This goes to show me yet again that reading a lyric is almost useless. It read very clunky to me but when I listened to it, a lot of it fit very well into the music. Although there were still some rough, syllable full lines. I also didn't really connect with it untill I heard you singing it, there is a heartbreak to the vocals that sold me on it, an almost pleading, begging sound that made it very sweet. Your voice shares a bit with Leonard Cohen, as does the music.
I think the way you structured the lyrics is adding to the confusion. For instance, when you extend the word "Grown" in the first verse, that's what makes the lines work rhythmically but that doesn't translate in the written lyrics. I don't know how to deal with that but I thought I'd point it out as did Jess.
The arrangement: I could do without the repeat of the first verse after the solo section. We heard that part already, both lyrically and melodically it offers nothing new. I wanted to hear a change-up or a part of the song that was more repeatable. The "Ooh.....Ooh..." part is very repeatable and might work better coming out of the break. The "pills and junk" part lyrically is a very good chorus and I would have like to see it show up earlier in the second half, and possibly repeat. Hope that helps, it's a good song, give it a bit more attention maybe.
