[titiami]

I wrote this when i was feeling a little bit under the weather for the past few weeks, just to check if i was in my head.


She wants my love,
and she wants his love,
She don't care a dime,
if she’s wasting my time,

CHORUS– no,no,no?
             you can’t serve two masters at the same time,
             no matter if you’ve got the master plan,
             you can’t  put us both above.

She tells me she loves me,
and probably she tells him she loves him too,
I feel like her second hand,
and she’s messing with my head,

CHORUS– no, no, no?
             you can’t serve two masters at the same time,
             no matter if you’ve got the master plan,
             you can’t  put us both above.

She’s wasting my time,
and she’s wasting his time,
but she don’t care a dime,
as long as she gets what she wants,

CHORUS– no, no, no?
             you can’t serve two masters at the same time,
             no matter if you’ve got the master plan,
             you can’t  put us both above.

[Sing4me88]

I quite like this one.The lyrics are beautiful in their simplicity and I really like the stripped back approach you taken. Most song of this nature are teeming with big imagery, cliches, double entrees etc but this is in such a raw and pure form that I feel it works much better. I really connected with the lyrics and like the flow of them.

[Jukentins]

Shit, mate, it happened something like that to me this year, with a girl in my classroom to whom I had a crush. The "no, no, no" in the chorus sounds really nice! Yeah, girls are dangerous.

[The Corsair]

I am entirely unsure as to why there is a question mark after 'no no no'.

It feels like it could do with one more verse, just to add a bit more to the narrative. It's good, and it tells the story intended, but it's a slightly flat story at the moment. Adding a new verse with a bit more to it would be the difference between 'The hero went on a dangerous quest to rescue the princess' and 'the hero went on a dangerous quest to rescue the princess because he had terminal cancer and wanted to do something exciting with his life'

I don't mean to say, though, that you need to establish 'her' motivations. Maybe have something about how juggling two lovers is one of the most socially inappropriate things you can do, how it's essentially cheating.

[Placid]

Firstly, would like to say: ditch the bi**h! Secondly, love the "no no no" bit - making the song came across in a fun way. Nice rhyme. Would love to hear the melody on this. Why serve two masters? This could then also be seen as a song about a puppy? Yeah, nice work!

[titiami]

thank you guys for the feed back

[Stroller2010]

It's quirky, simple and fun to read. Chorus sums it up perfectly, "can't serve two masters at the same time" is really good. I do reckon you could make it longer and it would still be good.

[laurabh]

It seems quite a catchy kinda song, and simple, but in a brilliant way!