[stephaniedema]

Hey!

I was on the train to Brussels yesterday and this popped up. I literally wrote it in 5mins, and there are several points I'm really uncertain about, but I wanted to check what you think.
I'd like to know if you think it's any good before I start working on the music.

Give me all your remarks, suggestions... And also let me know if you think it's rubbish  :p
There's no bridge and/or chorus (yet), more of a only-verses story, Dylan-style (but obvsly a lot less genius  :p)


Don’t throw me out
Not today
The weather’s bad
Streets are grey

Where do I roam
To find some food
A place to sleep
As if I could

I love this town
I always did
But on my own
It looks so sad

No one to pat me
On the back
To throw my stick
Cut me some slack

Out here now
I need a friend
A searching soul
Someone to mend

The tears I cry
In silent night
When I am scared
And lost the fight

Are you too
Looking for peace
A way to see
Through the trees

Then join me friend
And we’ll succeed
Victory for all
Beit bittersweet




Grts
SD

[Sing4me88]

What a great set of lyrics. Again I think the simplicity of it is the key to the beauty. Can imagine it working very well as an acoustic singer/songwriter style song.

[habiTat]

This is really nice Stephanie, I think the verse..

The tears I cry
In silent night
When I am scared
And lost the fight

...would work well as a chorus.

Definitely persue this, it's very good

[Dutchbeat]

looks very good, Stephanie

go for it!

[Jukentins]

Very good lyrics, I like it. Can you explain me the "throw my stick" part? I didn't get it.

[habiTat]

Very good lyrics, I like it. Can you explain me the "throw my stick" part? I didn't get it.

HI Jukentins, just so you know, that line is because the song is wriiten from the perspective of a dog. It's all to do with the Pawprint challenge

 http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/competitions/pawprint-challenge-new-comp-for-charity/

Have a read and get involved if you like.

hab

[Jukentins]

Nice! I'm interested, but I'd have to do an acoustic song, since it wouldn't be easy to record a song in a studio with drums and everything with one of my bands.

[habiTat]

Nice! I'm interested, but I'd have to do an acoustic song, since it wouldn't be easy to record a song in a studio with drums and everything with one of my bands.

That's no problem at all, I'm in that same position. Acoustic only can be really good if done right.

It'd be great to have you on board.


hab..