Psalm Of A Time Racqueteer

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HappyBastard

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« on: October 22, 2012, 12:52:13 PM »
Started writing this song 2 days ago so still very subject to change.  Folk/Punk is the style and broadly cheery is what I was going for.  Any feedback very much welcome.


(Instrumental 1)

(Intro)
Well I was working in the morning during Tuesday brunch
Paid pittance per hour but enduring the crunch
And while I dreamed for someone to take me away
I could count on one hand my reasons to stay
But what could you expect from me?
I was lacking direction, just a fish in the sea
So that Tuesday evening I slept in my car
And come the morning I had scored a fresh start

(Instrumental 2)

(Verse 1)
So I'll tell you all a tale of woe
that you haven't heard before
It had been 16 days since I'd hit the road
and I was refusing to return their calls
I would wake up and listen to the radio
blaring teenage anthems through the stereo
And though my wallet was thin I couldn't help but grin,
I'd begun a life of heresy and sin

(Verse 2)
Now my life boiled down to just three key things
That would keep me on the road to hell
I had my keys, found food where I could
And had a repertoire of stories to tell
And all the while I outdid destiny
And held a promise to live for eternity
It's not hard to let go when you live on your toes
And can't separate your friends from your foes

(Chorus 1)
I'd discovered the Earth for what it was meant to be
A place to grow old and be forever free
And while sometimes it seems like we've lost our way
I will always try out-do my yesterdays

(Instrumental 1)

(Verse 3)
Now the trick to being out on your own
Is learning to not feel alone
You learn to pick up all your things and go
Like your shooting tin bottles, all 10 in a row
And you ignore all the festivities
The births, new years and anniversaries
You give up keeping track of the days and years
You extort what you can, like a time racqueteer

(Chorus 2)
You discover the Earth for it was meant to be
A place to grow old and be forever free
And if lately it seems like you've lost your way
You can always assume that you've escaped your yesterdays

(Bridge)
So don't you come to me with a broken heart
I can't turn a page that's been torn apart
And I know that the world lacks empathy for the depicted fool of apathy

(Verse 4)
But before you go dancing in empty graves
Shouting detrimental chants
And call out to the moon on misty nights
Begging for another chance
You need only pay for a tank of fuel,
Pick up your keys from that pedastal
And head out to the shops, like there's nothing to see;
Then put your foot down until you hit the sea

(Outro)
And we'll leave a short note to have pinned to our graves
For when the breathing stops and our hair is grey
Saying "We sure had a laugh while we were here,
Now I dare you to try and live up to our yesterdays..."
« Last Edit: October 24, 2012, 12:25:59 PM by HappyBastard »
-- Logic is as logic does but a forgone life isn't life enough --

travis

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« Reply #1 on: October 22, 2012, 07:41:43 PM »
Hi
I like your lyric and it's story which takes the reader/listener on a journey wanting to know the next stage.
However your rhyming structure is different in the three verses.Is that intended..I think this needs sorting as the listener gets used to listening to a certain pattern throughout
Travis
« Last Edit: October 22, 2012, 07:44:35 PM by travis »

HappyBastard

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« Reply #2 on: October 24, 2012, 12:29:14 PM »
Hi
I like your lyric and it's story which takes the reader/listener on a journey wanting to know the next stage.
However your rhyming structure is different in the three verses.Is that intended..I think this needs sorting as the listener gets used to listening to a certain pattern throughout
Travis


Do you mean it changes from verse to verse or within each verse?  It's meant to change within verses if that's what you were talking about.  May still modify.
Thanks for the comments!
-- Logic is as logic does but a forgone life isn't life enough --

Stroller2010

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« Reply #3 on: October 25, 2012, 01:45:44 PM »
I think changing the rhyming structure is a good thing, more variety and all that. I like the different choruses and how it plays through like a story with lots of detail. Nice one.