[beefy]

You are everything to me,
exactly what a girl should be,
you are the apple of my eye,
and you will be till i die.

you pick me up when i am down,
you make me smile when i frown,
all i want is this to last,
but time just always goes so fast,

mabey repeat a verse.....not 2 sure and need an idea 4 a chours (or is the begining my chours and i need more verse???), never done this b4 ....lol.... i am going to a production studio as im a dj (cant sing 4 toffee)!!! next week and trying to come up with an original idea.....any help would be much appreciated ..... thanks ( i also have another 1 but will post up @ a l8tr time) or if any 1 has wrote a song that they think would make a good dance tune .......leave a message

[The Corsair]

It's a bunch of cliches rolled into one bite sized chunk, but I'd give you a thousand pounds if you could find me someone who honestly didn't start off in cliche land.

Good job for giving it a shot. This isn't that well written but frankly it's got a clear structure at this point and I can easily see it fitting to a song (believe me that can't be said for everything that gets posted here). It looks to me like a verse at this point. Choruses are hard, because that's generally where the hook/catchiest part is, so you need a catchy tune before you meld words to it in a sense (I come up with the tune and the words simultaneously generally, but that's just me).

Keep writing! If you want to write lyrics then do it. You'll get better, undoubtedly, and if you take on board the feedback you get on here you'll have no trouble improving IMO.

What sort of music is this intended for? You're a DJ, so I'm guessing electronic stuff, but DnB lyrics and, say, Trance lyrics are very different things.

[beefy]

It's a bunch of cliches rolled into one bite sized chunk, but I'd give you a thousand pounds if you could find me someone who honestly didn't start off in cliche land.

Good job for giving it a shot. This isn't that well written but frankly it's got a clear structure at this point and I can easily see it fitting to a song (believe me that can't be said for everything that gets posted here). It looks to me like a verse at this point. Choruses are hard, because that's generally where the hook/catchiest part is, so you need a catchy tune before you meld words to it in a sense (I come up with the tune and the words simultaneously generally, but that's just me).

Keep writing! If you want to write lyrics then do it. You'll get better, undoubtedly, and if you take on board the feedback you get on here you'll have no trouble improving IMO.

What sort of music is this intended for? You're a DJ, so I'm guessing electronic stuff, but DnB lyrics and, say, Trance lyrics are very different things.

thanks for the feed bk.....its for uk hardcore, i am finding it really hard as i am rhyming everything and i think the best songs dont really rhyme but because i dont really sing im unsure how to make it work in the track......everything i do is like an mc not a singer........any advice for helping me with this?? i think i have the tune in my head for what iv wrote or would you write the music first, i cant do it both @ the same time....lol......not yet any way.....anyway thanks 4 ur time

[The Corsair]

I mean to say I 'write' (envision/imagine) the tune for the words as I'm writing them, which is what you say you've done already (as in, you have a tune).

If you think the best songs don't rhyme then go for that if you want. There's not explicit 'right' or 'wrong'. Rhyming is often considered more skillful but it's entirely up to you whether or not you rhyme.

When you say 'Hardcore' I think 'That thing that was a bit more extreme than Punk', so do you mean that or is there an electronic 'Hardcore' I've not heard of?

[beefy]

it is not like punk more cheesey than that here is an example........

....... i just grabed the first 1 on youtube....... very high energy mostly love songs but there is a harder side to the music.

[beefy]

43 seconds into the track

[beefy]

i think with that tune its basicly just ahook......not 2 sure

[The Corsair]

Yeah, with this stuff it's very hook based. The words are almost irrelevant (but if you want to say something deep and meaningful there's nothing to stop you of course) so I'd say you should worry about having a hook that works well with what you already have musically.

Then again, if you're wanting to take the traditional 'verse/chorus/verse/chorus/bridge/chorus' structure and combine it with this style of music then you would want to have more focus on the meaning of the lyrics. It would be challenging, though, given that you'd really want different hooks for the verses and chorus (given the hook-based nature of the words in what you've linked here and the other stuff I listened to in a quick bit of browsing).

[beefy]

thanks again for your time.....im just going off pages on how to write a song(e.g traditional), so mabey, i am just after a killer hook....lol....yeah,something meaning full..... for what i wrote i was thinking of my daughter, but its mabey not what im after just throwing a few ideas around.........any pages or advise on writing a hook .......thanks

[The Corsair]

Some patterns make for guaranteed hooks but that goes into a theory-heavy area of music I'm frankly not strong in. If it sounds good to your ear and gets stuck in your head then it's a decent hook.

Sometimes, if I think I've got a real ear-worm going, I'll whistle the tune a bit around friends (as though I'm being absent-minded) and see if they copy it at some point or comment on it being catchy. It's not a surefire way of finding out if a hook is good, but if they do comment then it's a pretty good indication.

[beefy]

cheers Corsair.......i'll try this.....i'll let know how i get on....thanks