[habiTat]

Hi guys,

Felt a bit flat the other day, what with all the horrible stuff in the news, and wrote this. I've roughed out a melody but i think the song will be too long. any suggestions on editing welcomed.

Heavy

Looks like we're in a darker place
Than I had ever known
People they can be so evil
I was never shown

I grew up in a sheltered way
So lucky what I had
Guarded from the perils and
Shielded from the bad

I  just assumed as I grew up
No one was that cruel
Turns out though, I'm sad to say
was a bubble, that was all.

I've since seen how some people live
The way they treat their kind
Resentment, jealousy and rage
Devoid of heart and mind

CH
It's not easy
It's not easy
Because you're you, not me
Until you stand in shoes like mine
Its only then you'll see

Bearing on my shoulders now
So heavy on my mind
The task of looking after you
Until it is my time

So if It seems i'm down or tired
It's not that I am sad
It's just the weight I've come to carry
Now that I'm a dad

Honoured more i'll never be
For having you to hold
For you my dear are quite simply
The warmth that cuts the cold

I know you'll likely gloss across
The ramblings of this man
But don't forget, I might be right
I've said all that I can.


bridge
Look at me
Listen hard
I don't mean to scare you
I cannot stress
More than this
I'm trying to prepare you

[The Corsair]

I like it. It comes across as very down-to-earth and you really get the sense that the 'narrator' is feeling suddenly vulnerable as well as just generally downcast. Has a nice structure to it, which I think is ideal given that the song is talking about how very chaotic the world seems. It gives the reader (listener, one day) something to cling to while the song meanders through all the chaos.

[jillianne]

The sentiments are good and relevant - the length would depend on the speed you're planning and I don't 'hear' this as a fast song. 
I think I'd prefer your bridge as the chorus, it sounds snappier, more singable ... then make the orig chorus run into the verse before with a little change i,e,
...It's only then you'll see
[I've since seen how - omitted]
The way some people live
The way they treat their kind
Resentment, jealousy and rage
Devoid of heart and mind

But of course I would need to hear your ideas to be sure

[habiTat]

Thanks guys, I'm trying to rough out a quick demo for the reviews section, if time and baby allow

It might appear later..