Drinking to Forget Whats-her-name. Rewrite

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travis

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« on: September 21, 2012, 02:49:05 PM »
Drinking to Forget Whatshername. 3rd rewrite

v I tried to build bridges, she just built a wall
the kind I couldn’t, get over, she built it so tall
She turned our sweet wine love, in-to whiskey sour
I'm down on the ground,she's in her ivory tower

c
So I’m drinking, to forget, what’s-her-name
THE one who, put me thru, all this heartache—and pain
Never, want to hear, her name again
I’m drinking, to forget, what’s-her-name

v
You’ve all heard my story, an end of love’s cliche’
now she’s in someone’s else’s arms, he took her away
Like a sad country song, needs a haunting guitar
this lonely guy needs solace, alone here at the bar

c
So I’m drinking, to forget, what’s-her-name
the one who, put me thru, all this heartache—and pain
Never, want to hear, her name again
I’m drinking, to forget, what’s-her-name


b Drunk or fool? Talking, to myself, on a stool
(I’m) aiming- to stay here, ‘til I can't recall, why I came
drinking, to forget, what’s-her-name

c
So I’m drinking, to forget, what’s-her-name
the one who, put me thru, all this heartache—and pain
Never, want to hear, her name again
I’m drinking, to forget, what’s-her-name
I’m drinking, to forget, what’s-her-name
Ohhhh, I’m drinking, to forget, what’s-her-name


« Last Edit: September 30, 2012, 12:55:41 PM by travis »

titiami

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« Reply #1 on: September 22, 2012, 09:19:01 PM »
The lyrics are good, not so many cliches this time. Keep writing

travis

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« Reply #2 on: September 23, 2012, 09:34:47 AM »
Hi
Thanks for looking and your comments, it's easy sometimes to slip into worn and tested phrases and words, even though I try to avoid them lol
Travis

The Corsair

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« Reply #3 on: September 23, 2012, 11:55:05 AM »
Basically what titiami said. Good, and you've avoided cliche's fairly well. You do still, of course, fall into cliche valley a bit here and there, but it's a song about drowning your sorrows over a girl, so it's never going to be the most original thing ever written.

All up, fairly good stuff.
Defective Elector

travis

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« Reply #4 on: September 23, 2012, 12:25:49 PM »
Thanks for your comments, it is difficult not to fall into the C trap lol. Keep on trying to avoid them
Thanks
Travis

Dutchbeat

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« Reply #5 on: September 23, 2012, 05:03:04 PM »
super lyrics

with a title that sells the song / the lyrics

right away

that is good one: "trying to forget whats-her-name"


even for a poppy party song, that could be a great hook / punchline people will sing along with

could even be printed on t-shirts and other merchandise

i think your lyrics really have commercial opportunities in them
(and yes: that is meant as a compliment, nothing wrong with commercial....much harder to make than something that is not commercial)

you really got it, Travis, good to have you on board of this forum

travis

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« Reply #6 on: September 23, 2012, 05:40:24 PM »
Thanks for your kind words, Pleased you liked the lyric, jut need a musician to write a melody now lol
Regards
Travis

Dutchbeat

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« Reply #7 on: September 24, 2012, 04:24:43 PM »
i would love to give it a try

(even though i have some projects and collaborations i promised to work on on my to do list...)

but if a melody and arrangment hits me i will PM it to you, to see whether you like it, if you don't i will delete it

travis

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« Reply #8 on: September 24, 2012, 04:38:55 PM »
Thanks I appreciate that, pleased you liked it enough
Travis

travis

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« Reply #9 on: September 30, 2012, 12:56:47 PM »
I've done the third rewrite on this changing part of v1 and the B
Travis

Placid

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« Reply #10 on: November 08, 2012, 03:20:43 PM »
Feel your pain dude!! Would also be getting drunk because of her. Scheiße!
Listen to some awesome Rock Music from Germany!

BooBoo

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« Reply #11 on: November 13, 2012, 05:07:15 PM »
I liked this, especially the first verse. Can I ask what type of genre it is? 
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