[Kafla]

http://soundcloud.com/andrewcruse/ghosts

Hey everyone  

Looking for advice / critique on any part of this song - production, song, lyrics etc

I am still open to tweaking it / taking it apart as I have been struggling with it - getting lost

Theres times I think its good - other times I want to tweak even the most minute detail - so frustrating this songwriting curse sometimes  


Ghosts

 I try to remember where it all ends
 A spark in the ether
 Light in the lens
 A kiss when your sleeping and one when you awake

 Fear comes strong before your'e sleeping
 Night sends all her ghosts to haunt (break) you
 This is all I offer you
 (My fears grow strong before I'm sleeping
 You sent all you sent all your saints to save  me
 This is all I have to give)

 Into confession
 Inside chapel walls
 We're dealing with feelings bigger than us
 I'll never leave you , I'll nail it to the cross

 There's got to be someway to reach you tonight
 Optical light and telephone lines
 A collection of pixels is not close enough
 The resolutions there
 The definition in every line

http://soundcloud.com/andrewcruse/ghosts

[S.T.C]

I`ve got to whizz off to work now...but i think this should be listened to a few time s before comment...but the melody is immediately pleasing.

Back now!...This is a candidate for a professional make over...with a good engineer,i see this being a greater song,,,it`s slow but firm build is done very well.....the lyrics  are good...nice sort of drama..

Think i`l write summat new this evening,,i feel inspired.

[Binladeda]

another great piece of work kaf.....loved it, good melodies, great singing/keyboards. Very nice all round feel. Thought the change in the strings around 2.00 was unnecessary, and didn't quite work. But that's just my taste. I'm sure Elton John would make a fortune with this song  ......I'll give him a call

[montydog]

Very fine piece of work. Beautifully played, sung and arranged. I think the chorus in particular is absolutely beautiful. I think it stands up fine as it is and i really can't think of any way to improve it.

[stephaniedema]

Another great track, Kafla!
I don't think it needs much tweaking TBH. I really like the production, esp. when the drums kick in after the first chorus. But I agree on the strings change. Not that it doesn't fit in per se, but it's a bit to prominent for my taste.
Only other remark that I can make is the 'offer' part of the chorus. Could use a bit more flow IMO. But great song overall! As always

SD

[ABeautifulVirus]

i love this a lot. the piano tones set up a perfect emotional theme that is expounded upon both lyrically and component-wise. the drums come in at exactly the perfect place.  some of the string arrangements have this George Martin influence to my ears. if you're looking for perhaps some advice to work further on this one, what i would offer is to bring in some type of U2/Edge echo-delay guitar patterns...i'm getting this Bono-esque feel in both the songwriting and great vocal delivery, hence my suggestion. i'm not saying to emulate U2 directly, but incorporate some of Edge's linear guitar approaches...maybe introduce them sparingly in the intro phase, and rhythm them out when the drums kick in and build from there... listen to "With Or Without You" perhaps for a brain-storming session on creative options for more color and shading to what is already an impressive aural canvas.

nice one, mate

-Daren

[jim morrison]

Can't fault this mate, really well put together ,a stand out album track no doubt

[andy5544]

lovely tune , sounded really good , your voice is excellent as i've said before , kinda richard ashcroft like.  maybe the bass stands out a little too much ??

great song , and with songs like this you should be on the radio . 

just going in for a third listen......

[Michael]

As with most of your stuff, it's the vocals that really sell this song
Very beautiful vocal melody (I especially like the "strong before you're sleeping" part), goes great with the piano, too. The break starting at 2:58 builds the suspense for the next part quite nicely, really liked this part

I agree that you picked the spot for the drums to set in just perfectly. Gotta say though that I'm not a fan of the drum sounds per se, they sound a little too tight and compressed to me... But maybe that's just my personal taste. (I did however notice this in several of your songs.)
Oh, and I think the mic might have clipped at 2:40... no biggie though

Gotta figure out a way to make soundcloud repeat a song in a loop

[Paul]

Another song that demonstrates a consistently high standard of songwriting.  The highlight is your vocal performance and the lyrics are excellent.  Whilst it's been well produced, I can hear different directions that I would steer the production in to provide more dynamics i.e. contrast between more delicate sections and other sections that might benefit from a fuller production.  I don't  want to dwell on production preferences as this is a great song regardless of the treatment applied.

Well done Andy.  I know you'll continue to strive for perfection in all areas of songwriting and production.  It's always a pleasure for me to hear your songs!

[tone]

Hi Kaf

Really enjoyed listening to this song, great movement in the melody and chords. I'm not going to comment further on the songwriting as I think it's the strongest part of the picture, but I can't help feeling that the arrangement feels a bit crowded, especially in the first half of the song.

It sounds like the piano is competing with the other instruments for space a little bit. They're rhythmically all a bit too similar, which I think is what creates that slightly claustrophobic feel.

Other than that, your arrangement has nice dynamics, although I feel they could be emphasised a little more. But hats off to you for doing it yourself - you're still way ahead of the game when it comes to production than I am.

[Kafla]

Thanks everyone - particularly Andy 544 - you really have made my day with your comments - seriously 

I respect all the advice - producing the songs really frustrates and excites me in equal measures

I have been producing now for almost a year and I am nowhere near where I want to be - I can hear better arrangements and dynamics in my head

But I listened to my first demos from a year ago a few nights ago and it reassured me how far I have came

Thanks everyone

[nooms]

th intro sounds kind of 'erasure'esh !  very nice kaf
good lyric beautifully sung , can hear your heartbeat..

the bridge seems to wain a little, themomentum..good point for three or four mandolins through a fuzz box perhaps not, but an extra lift ...?   just a wee smidge of fairy dust .

and dare i wander down knobs and dials avenue for i perseiveth something amiss with the bass or something in the low end ? gets quite boomy and distracting as it progresses.
its noticeable in cans but on the speakers its fine..?
dont mean a negative, great track

[Pez]

reminds me of something i cant put my finger on. Nice warm vocals, good job. Lovely melody to the vocal in places. Drums sound like the weak link-real ones would be lovely. Piano and vocals are great. Enjoyed that.

[James Nighthawk]

This is very, very stong writing.

The restraint is remarkable. The lines of vocals have plenty of open space. The piano line is sparse yet just enough.

The change at 2.16 is very powerful, a wonderful surpise and perfectly timed.

The lyrics are great

There's got to be someway to reach you tonight
 Optical light and telephone lines
 A collection of pixels is not close enough
 The resolutions there
 The definition in every line

This walks the fine line between metaphor and statement. I love the sentiment of modern tech bringing us closer and yet not compensating on a real, human level. Nothing like real human contact. "Ghost" makes wonderful sense in context here.

As a demo is is perfectly fine at presenting the song. The arrangement largely works a charm. I would perhaps have brought the drums in a little less busy, allowing one more gear change before the change.

The only "issues" with the production I have are the standard home recording limitations (programmed stings/drums), so, as I say, really really great work within your set up 

The hint of religiosity falls flat for me. Stanza three seems to be a misfit. But, I am sure there is reasoning in which case leave it well alone. I does provide an old vs new to the lyrical ideas however.

The vocal is perhaps the strongest I have heard from you. A great balance of emotion and detail, with great pitching (only once could I hear the autotuner in action this time, and barely at that!)