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change

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jesscon45

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« on: September 17, 2012, 07:58:28 PM »
im only 13 so im not great anyone got tips on songwriting this is one of them  ??? :o

Change

Yesterday I saw a lil boy he was crying in the corner playing with his one toy no one helped him no one cares they all went there own ways  but I didn’t im here to make a change unlike everyone else im gonna put an end to this lil boys pain
Im not gonna let him sit there staring at his past im gonna make a future for this lil lad

Chorus: a change needs to be made no more stealing things need to be paid the worlds in its own class that lil boy saw thousands of  people walk past the worlds only what you make it so its time to make a change

I tried to approach him but he just backed away he looked frightened he almost couldn’t move and when  I tried to speak to him he was speechless to I took him to the hospital hoping he wud survive when noticed him he hardly looked alive but he didn’t stay awake I almost cried   
Chorus: a change needs to be made no more stealing things need to be paid the worlds in its own class that lil boy saw a thousands of  people walk past the worlds only what you make it so its time to make a change

I tried my best but my best wasn’t enough just imagine be that boy I bet his life tough
I sometimes think back and see the boy in my mind regret haunts me for taking my time I should of saved him quicker
I wish I was smarter not thicker I guess I failed I couldn’t make the
Change,change,change,change

S.T.C

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« Reply #1 on: September 17, 2012, 08:38:38 PM »
I`ve just gone through and quickly put it in to verses...but it needs going through ,,line by line..to make more sense and so the words flow better..but if your only 13..it`s ok. ;)


Yesterday I saw a lil boy
 he was crying in the corner playing with his one toy
 no one helped him no one cares
 they all went there own ways
  but I didn’t im here to make a change
unlike everyone else im gonna put an end to this lil boys pain
Im not gonna let him sit there
 staring at his past im gonna make a future for this lil lad


Chorus: a change needs to be made, no more stealing
 things need to be paid the worlds in its own class
 that lil boy saw thousands of  people walk past
 the worlds only what you make it so its time
 to make a change


I tried to approach him but he just backed away
 he looked frightened he almost couldn’t move
and when  I tried to speak to him he was speechless
so I took him to the hospital hoping he wud survive
 when noticed him he hardly looked alive but he didn’t stay awake I almost cried
   
Chorus: a change needs to be made no more stealing
 things need to be paid the worlds in its own class
 that lil boy saw a thousands of  people walk past
 the worlds only what you make it so its time
 to make a change

I tried my bes,t but my best wasn’t enough
 just imagine be that boy I bet his life tough
I sometimes think back and see the boy in my mind
 regret haunts me for taking my time, I should of saved him quicker
I wish I was smarter not thicker
 I guess I failed I couldn’t make the
Change,change,change,change

 

tone

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« Reply #2 on: September 17, 2012, 09:20:50 PM »
Hey Jesscon

Thanks for joining the forum and sharing your song with us. It's great to make an early start on your songwriting journey

Hats off to songsthatcry for putting your lyrics into lines - this is how most writers present their lyrics, and it makes it much easier to read.

For someone of 13 these lyrics are great. They have a story element, and a bit of a twist at the end. I can't offer any tips because there's no right or wrong way to write a song as such. The best songwriting education you can get is to listen and study great songs. Read your lyrics out loud (or sing them) and watch out for rhythm, how the lyric flows.

Keep writing and a unique voice will gradually emerge. Well done, and keep em coming :)

Tone
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titiami

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« Reply #3 on: September 18, 2012, 07:32:40 AM »
hey, new kid on the block, a big 'WELCOME' to you.

keep on writing and keep on practicing, look at how other songwriter write their song lyrics, how they rhyme and i think songthatcry has shown you how song writers present their lyrics.

anyway this is a great start.

travis

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« Reply #4 on: September 20, 2012, 08:14:23 PM »
Hi
I'm a newbe too.A good start! The secret is in the rewrites, the most important part of writing anything worth while.
Take your lyric and try and reduce the word usage somewhat as long lines in verses can be hell for a singer, no matter how good they are.
Try and say what you need to say  using as few words and syllables as possible without detriment to your story.
Best of luck
Travis
« Last Edit: September 23, 2012, 06:19:51 PM by travis »