[Cherd]

I've just been flicking through a notebook because a friend of mine told me I was scribbling away in it like mad the other night (I was drunk and such... and apparently incoherent ) and I wanted to see what it was I had been scribbling.  I had to decipher it first and I don't think it was all one song idea but I found this lot basically:

When you just can't seem to find the time and
you won't settle for any old line but
You remember what once was mine then
You seek to return to what you once knew

This is what we live for
and this is why we die
This is what makes us happy
and the same things make us cry

The world doesn't work for you
you have to work the world
You're not owed a thing
You must pay your dues and
You can't be given you must take
You're only human for goodness sake

You must not cling to your mistakes
Just let them go that's why there's change
And when you finally go it alone
You will see how great life was

The people they all know their right from their wrong
even if they don't see where the rules come from
They feel when their right and they feel when their wrong

Though you can't see the forces at work
You feel their results and be where they lurk
Results the define how we live as beings
We aren't the ones that pull the strings

I'll fetch the good times if you fetch the car
Momentary happiness won't get me very far
The ideas and dreams are mine alone
but I just can't hold it together
A pairing that works we've clearly shown
But we can't guarantee the weather


I'm one of those that can never seem to judge their own work and I was just wondering if any of this is half decent or useable? I can't remember what frame of mind I was in when I wrote it or if I had any melodies in mind.

[tone]

Hi Cherd - sorry for the delay in reading your post...

What do I think?  I think the thoughts behind this are better than the execution. By which I mean it reads like it would be difficult and clumsy to sing. Having said that, I like some of the messages you're sending; I just think they need to be more personal, tied more closely into a specific human experience or image. It's very general without any specifics, which often leaves us feeling like we've witnessed something incomplete.

Work with it, I think there's material for a good lyric in there. I like the last line a lot, and the second line is very important from a writing point of view!

[Cherd]

Appreciat the feedback, I agree it is the clumsy to sing.  It isn't one song idea, each verse is a different idea i just happened to write at the same time.  I'm struggling to put it too good use to be honest so I might have a rethink.

[tone]

I know how you feel.  I would suggest than turning every good idea you have into a finished song is at best optimistic, and more like unrealistic.

Sometimes I'll have a dozen good ideas before a song presents itself to me, other times it's two in a row.  I've gone a couple of years without writing any songs before, so it's all part of the game.

I think the trick is to carry on regardless.  I hope you find use for these ideas though - I like them.