[shucky2011]

Hi guys, here are the lyrics to a song ive been writing.  I have a sort of folky tune in my head with regards to the music but I would like to know what people think of the lyrics.  I would welcome any constructive comments.  Thanks.


King John’s Treasure

Verse 1:

C      F           C            G
Down by the fenland fields, two watermen went walking.
C         F
Their pockets full, their bottles dry.
     C      G   C   
And together they were talking.
A fair young maiden they beheld.
Their wealthy landlord’s daughter.
As she sat down to take her ease/ amongst the eves
The brothers came upon her.

Verse 2:

Your father he’s a rogue you know
A man of coin and women
You’ve many brethren long the road
Besides the ones you live with.
In the maiden’s eyes dwelt no surprise
When she heard the brothers talking.
“There’s a great deal more you do not know – and that’s why I go a walking”

Verse 3:

Well walk with us to Boston dear. Yes, we may look poor and ragged
Though yesterday down by the weir
We found some golden flagons
We’ll buy us land & horses
And if you think it proper
One of us could take your hand,
And bear you over yonder

Bridge:   C      F
The waters parted read-di-ly
G      C
The skies were dirty white
Their flagons glinted in the breeze
And she searched their roving eyes...

Verse 4:

“You know dear sirs... I would not know.”
“Which of you can plough, and sow?”
“So take you up your flagons go... and wade in that their water"

The brothers did as they were told...
For each of them was rash and bold
Pretty soon they was dead and cold (pause)
And the maiden she was go- o – one
The maiden she was gone

Violin solo – up beat, lilting – Whistling would be good too.

[habiTat]

Hey Shucky, I really like this, Just my sort of thing, a proper story, easy to follow, with some clever little bits of poetry. I can't see where it needs improvement, it'd be great to hear it. Am I to assume that the men drowned in the river due to the weight of the gold laden flagons? or have I misinterpreted that? If so its a sad end and may well be worthy of a rather sudden end, to highlight the dashing of their hopes/dreams. Just leave the listener hanging, thinking "...oh, that's sad". It may help make it more poignant as opposed to the upbeat violin/whistle. Thats just my view though, I like to dwell on the melancholic 

I look forward to hearing it.

[travis]

Good lyric and with the right melody a goof folk song too.I can imagine  someone like Maddy Prior singing this.
Travis