[GuitarArt1980]

So my friend wrote some lyrics and asked me to write a song around them, and this is how it came out. Please take a listen and tell me what you think. Thanks!

http://www.soundclick.com/player/single_player.cfm?songid=11115100&q=hi&newref=1

In the beginning, oh it was so much fun
And of course I'd like more
But not this particular one
Cause want the time for living
And I need the time for peace
And I'd love the time to know her
But she's pushing up the degrees

I can't hold her
I can't hold on

No it didn't take long for her to say
That I was it
She'd simply say "I'm ready, I'm ready"
But I don't think we're a fit
Cause I just learned to be with someone
And in this short time, closeness feels crazy
And I'd love the time to know her but
She says my love is lazy

I can't hold her
I can't hold on

She says now she hates me
I try to touch her, she starts to blame
I want to go back to the beginning
When we had fun together
But I know that's impossible
So I'll work to break our tether

If I can understand her and she can accept me
Then maybe we can live for peace together
Though until then, I'll want to, I'll want to
But I can't hold her

[S.T.C]

I liked it, wil have another listen tomorrow..having a few rum/cokes at the moment..medicinal reasons..

[ABeautifulVirus]

this is extremely cool. love the intro- reminds me of something out of Jimmy Page's work on Kenneth Anger's 'Lucifer Rising' - but then it quickly readjusts to a more alternative-rock pronouncement w/ appropriate lively tempo. guitar tones are nice & riff is eclectic.  drums (live drummer? or like Sonar) remind me a bit of Sunny Day Real Estate.
the break at 1:40 is tasty, which when repeated at 2:36 w/ the vocal harmonies is a welcomed revisit.  great lyrics. think any dude can relate. very nice job on this. impressed.

[Florida Mike]

Some good drum work in the track!

[GuitarArt1980]

Some good drum work in the track!

Thanks. It's just me on roland edrums triggering ezdrummer then cleaning it up afterwards. Guitars are direct thru logic amp sims.

[faero]

Really nicely put together - the guitar work is lovely and the drums sound very real and played by a real drummer!  The drums actually 'make' much of the intro to me.     I like the guitar on the soft verse parts and the builds for the choruses.   I think the singing tone is great but it could maybe do with a little tidying up (sounds a bit flat in places) and maybe the words struggle to fit with the rythmn in parts too.

The chord progressions and occassional offbeat parts are original too and keep me listening - good good!

[GuitarArt1980]

Really nicely put together - the guitar work is lovely and the drums sound very real and played by a real drummer!  The drums actually 'make' much of the intro to me.     I like the guitar on the soft verse parts and the builds for the choruses.   I think the singing tone is great but it could maybe do with a little tidying up (sounds a bit flat in places) and maybe the words struggle to fit with the rythmn in parts too.

The chord progressions and occassional offbeat parts are original too and keep me listening - good good!

Thanks, glad you like it. It was definitely backwards to me to write the music after the lyrics, especially to someone elses lyrics. Think I'll recycle this song and write my own lyrics and see what happens...

[aunt_acid]

This is really interesting...at first I thought it was going to be about losing someone you loved deeply, but no. It was something else entirely.

A very sensitive and well constructed viewpoint and song in general about this issue experienced by everyone in relationships.

[nooms]

sounds awesome, brilliant chorus
thought you make a good job of squeezing in the words, some of the lines are odd shaped on paper but on track it works
happening drums if a little busy in places (probably cos i couldnt play it !)
great vocal giving it some real welly and love the chorus, top marks
hope that band of yours is coming together its gonna sound fabsome !
good luck

[andy5544]

drums are great , wish i could program them like that !!!
the rest of the song is also good , singing sounds a bit like big country.
they were ace