[shanelyons]

I'm finding it hard to sum my emotions up perhaps you can give me ideas on what i have written thanks 





                                            WANT I WANT (YOUR SONG ONLY)
V1
These days wont pass me by
I live to see your face with mine
In a room without no space just stuck in time
Just the words i write to you in pain
Not a day goes by i dont want to cry
And live with you my babe until i die
All though i know i hurt your heart and soul
I hope you forgive me and let me show

CHORUS
Let me show you that i can be
The person you married and want to see
Let me show that i can be
The lover you want and feel to be free
Let me love, love, love you

V2
Im never the best with words
To explain to you how much i am hurt
Im hurt from the way i have treated you
And still these tears will fall for you
Our love once blossomed through the world
But now it seems to be over grown
I want to be as one once more
So i hope you forgive me and let me show

CHORUS
Let me show you that i can be
The person you married and want to see
Let me show that i can be
The lover you want and always be pleased
Let me love, love, love you

V3
Lately ive been waking up alone
Wishing you were here like a time i know
I hope that people invent
A way for me to turn back this bad event

PRE CHORUS
But you need to know
Im a fool who loves you more than all
And you need to know
This songs for you and you alone
So please dont cry and let me show


Let me show you that i can be
The person you married and want to see
Let me show that i can be
The lover you want for all to see
Let me love, love, love you

[hookworm]

this had a good story line to it but every stanza should have the same rhyme scheme to it though. you shouldnt change it in the song, it just messes the flow of everything up. if you dont know what I mean, just ask me. Keep it up.

[titiami]

this is good.

[shanelyons]

thanks for the advice i can see what you mean im going try and amend it slighty so it flows better 

[vibesville]

Needs refining! Although i sense the emotion of the lyric a don't always feel it in the way it's written as a quick example with the fist two lines:

'These days wont pass me by
I live to see your face with mine'

'Well these days never seem to shine
I live to feel your warmth next to mine'

It's about connecting with that emotion, those feelings, so people relate to what your saying and reflect on a moment just like that in their own lives.

I'm not saying what I've written is better it just possibly more emotional :)
Your lyrics have got the makings though. I like where it's going :)

Hope that helps.
K