[birdattack]

I'm just wondering what you all think of this, the main problem I have in writing is I have a new feeling every 30 seconds so lose myself along the road but I think the essence is still intact in this one
This is an actual song but I need more work on the instrumentals before posting
Native speakers feel free to point out any grammar fuck ups and such

there are holes in the shoes that i bought cause you liked them
at least i'm done growing now i could fill them forever
i could keep being me and i'd only get better
something bout all my clothes getting old i still wear them
was a dick move returning that sweater you gave me
but i was perfectly fine with cheap perfume and letters
wasn't ever cut out for the cutting of hedges

i was ready to leave before the party got started
and you told me it's time i start acting my age
should have seen your face and your arms were folded
and you went on nagging thru my Pinker records
i was lovin the songs you said i never listen
oh the irony made me think of sex in the kitchen
and that time we had a kiss in the roundabout fountain
and you said i looked funny like a soaked st. bernard

stray dog would love you given half the chance
you said life has a start does it have to be eighteen
would have found that hard to believe
when you felt at home with me at fourteen fifteen
and you went on referring to friends and their boyfriends
i know they have won when the insults come
and you went on nagging thru my Pinker records
should have seen your face when i told you told you

crooked growth can cause infarction
supermarkets carts and baskets
buy new doors and floors and faucets
renovate the whole damn casket
spirit lives thru dreams don't pawn them
like heirlooms sold at town hall auctions

[The Corsair]

I think it's pretty damn good but it doesn't feel like a song in the traditional sense. I'm not sure if there's a chorus in there or not and it seems like it would be quite short.

That said, I can easily see it being put to music.

[birdattack]

Think so?
I understand what you mean completely when you say it don't feel like a song in the traditional sense. I think this is gonna be hit or miss. The final stanza was originally intended to be a chorus but it ended up an outro instead. I dunno where this will go but I'm getting there

[vibesville]

There are some really interesting bits in this but it's kinda of all over the place.
It's not letting me in so I feel frustrated by it, I don't get a real sense of what it's about.

Sometimes you rhyme, sometimes you don't and maybe for me that just adds to the confusion.

Needs some work if you want it put to music. Potential is there though :)