[Jue76x]

My first post so l hope it's not to bad!



I listen to my phone, it never stops ringing.
I know you know l,m home but l cant handle the situation
As l see your number flash time and time again
I'm dying crying remembering those nasty things you said

My energy has all gone, it's faded out completely
Emotions still run high, but l know you still need me
I listen to your message on my phone. 
Not sure why lm doing this, with my feeling being broken, desperate and so raw.

Shall l give up now, shall l let you win
Shall l take all your lying and forget the cheating
Let you walk back in, let you carry on
Now lm not that fool now so just move on
I hope it's hurting you more, hope you cannot survive
Knowing you've messed me about and told too many lies
Hope it's been worth the trouble, hope it's caused you pain
Now leave me alone I'm not part of your game

I had a new hair style, my makeups done already
Put on a sexy dress, with my high heels which are deadly
As l walk out of my apartment, l see someone trying to catch my eye
I put on one big smile and then just pass you by.

You try to catch me up to tell me that your sorry
That you can't move on and that you love me
I feel a tear coming in my eye, but l am strong 
I don't need you to survive!


Shall l give up now, shall l let you win
Shall l take all your lying and forget the cheating
Let you walk back in, let you carry on
Now lm not that fool now so just move on
I hope it's hurting you more, hope you cannot survive
Knowing you've messed me about and told too many lies
Hope it's been worth the trouble, hope it's caused you pain
Now leave me alone I'm not part of your game.

I can survive l know, don't need your empty promises
Gonna live my life, just the way l want to. 
Don't need a man asking where l'v been. I'm stronger than that 

[The Corsair]

It's interesting, but the message is frankly too garbled. You contradict yourself so many times it stops sounding like an interesting woman with complicated emotions about the situation and starts being a whiny teenage girl.

Which is a real shame, I have to say. You've taken what can be quite a stale bit of subject matter and made it work, avoiding detrimental cliches almost entirely.

I also have to add that it didn't seem to have a very clear structure. I picked up on a few rhymes but there was little regularity in your stanzas and I'm clueless as to whether or not there's a chorus. If there is, you'd do well to label it.

Lastly, even though this is only your first post I'd just like to end with a friendly reminder that to get reviews you have to give reviews, so don't be afraid to post a few reviews on other people's work

[Jue76x]

Thank you for your quick feedback it was very much appreciated and l will be taking on board your comments when l revise it.