[stokie63]

Wipe those tears from your eyes
No one wants to see you cry
This feeling of guilt inside
So dark and empty a lost soul
Left to rediscover the truth alone

Wounded by this bitter embrace
Broken and torn in two
Shattered by the torment i have been through
The harmony has lost its rythm
Nothing stands between us now

CHORUS

I cant cry no more tears
So deep i am falling
Lost in the space that surrounds you
Drowning in this fear
I cant cry no more tears

Having everything then nothing
This happiness has left
What was taken for granted left a mess
The voice hurting doesnt make a sound
Pick yourself up off the ground

CHORUS

I cant cry no more tears
So deep i am falling
Lost in the space that surrounds you
Drowning in this fear
I cant cry no more tears

What was taken wasnt your view
Turned inside out theres no surrender
Left confined without doubt
The look on your face cant be read
So much pity no reply enough said

Paul Brookes------Copyrighted
Guild No: 2107880.

[The Corsair]

I think you've stumbled into cliche valley with this one. There's some good language but too much of it is bland and, like I said, cliched.

It's disappointing to see, mate, given that your previous stiff has been better than this with a clear stokie style that you've deviated from here.

[stokie63]

Thanks corsair can always rely on you for feedback.Your right this piece is different from the previous ones I have posted tried a different approach for example in chorus which you have notified.The only way we can improve is through feedback be it good or bad and I admire you for your honesty.

[estreet]

I think this could be sorted - there's some good lines/couplets, but there are a few very clichéd ones too.

'Wipe those tears from your eyes' and 'Pick yourself up off the ground' were the ones that shouted at me and also the double negative of the title line bugs me unless it's a blues song.

I liked 'Wounded by your bitter embrace' and 'Lost in the space that surrounds you' though.

[stokie63]

I think this could be sorted - there's some good lines/couplets, but there are a few very clichéd ones too.

'Wipe those tears from your eyes' and 'Pick yourself up off the ground' were the ones that shouted at me and also the double negative of the title line bugs me unless it's a blues song.

I liked 'Wounded by your bitter embrace' and 'Lost in the space that surrounds you' though.

Thanks estreet i will take another look at it like i said to corsair its different from what i usually write .The cliche trap i can digest fell into that trap.Cheers.