[Peppermint]

Hi everyone,

Here is a song about a women in a violent relationship.
from her point of view,
deep down she hates her boyfriend but at the same time she still wants to forgive and be with him.

Bruised Because of you

 

When your not around,
I don't hear a sound,
Until my tears fall down and hit the ground,
I'm still not over you.

You always beat me black and blue,
These are just some of the things that you shouldn't do,
and I'm still not over you.

But tomorrow is the start of another day,
I hope all these feelings will go away,
Because deep down i don't need you,
And deep down i don't miss you.

The feelings that we had together,
Won't even last now or forever.
I shouldn't of fell in love with you,
If only you could think this too.

But then you come knocking at my door,
Saying things can go back to how they were before,
And then i forgive you,
And then i kiss you.

My friends have all left me saying i'm a fool,
They can't belive i would take you back at all.
But i forgive you,
Because i need you.

[stokie63]

i like simple and poetic is it based on a past experience no chorus?

[Mr.Chainsaw]

Hey Peppermint

I think this is a brave subject to write about, so kudos on that

What i liked about it is you haven't gone for the (yawn!) Beyonce angle of "I'm a women and I don't need you" which you can't move for in the charts. It's a song about loving and hating someone and hating yourself for it.

The lack of a "Hollywood" ending was refreshing to me. It makes it real for the listener. Maybe not as satisfying, but I don't think the subject matter would appreciate that

"But tomorrow is the start of another day,
I hope all these feelings will go away,
Because deep down i don't need you,
And deep down i don't miss you."

This verse (?) seemed to jar with overall song. Again, it's got that Hollywood shine to it that the rest of the song doesn't. Maybe you could tweak it, make it more about the womens hopes? But eventually she lets her self down?

Also, like Stokie said, where's the chorus (if there is one)?

Peter

[Peppermint]

Thanks for the reviews,

Its not based on a previous relationship i had but a mates one.
She kept getting beaten up by her boyfriend and taken to hospital but she would always go running back to him.
I have to say i wasn't sure wheter to post this one or not due to the subject.

As for the chorus i think its something i need to work on.

also as for this verse

"But tomorrow is the start of another day,
I hope all these feelings will go away,
Because deep down i don't need you,
And deep down i don't miss you."

at the start of the song she is saying that she wants him back, but in this verse above she is saying that she hates him.
I'll have a go a tweaking it when i get the time.

Thanks for your reviews Mr Chainsaw and Stokie63