konalavadome

Stone Hands

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Sellon

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« on: May 02, 2012, 07:26:11 PM »
I tried to write a love song suppose, its a little sad....Still in hospital so things are awkward, but i suppose I'll be back tonight at some point to review other people's stuff, thanks for the support to everyone that has given me support, it means a lot, and sorry things are a little weird right now.

Don't say goodbye cause I don't want to let go
I thought you were stronger than that
I never thought you could bend or break me from where you were sat
In my life you're either front row or back row
And you skipped the queue
Now I'm scared to admit it but you skipped through the line my heart too
I called your house last night to see if you were okay
But I don't think you're alright cause you didn't pick up
And all of these things that I've ever done before
I think this is the worst
Cause I don't feel human anymore

Truth and honesty never came easy to me
So I'll try my best
I think I love who you are
But our friendship is crashing like a car
And I know you need a hero to save you
But regardless of the scars I think that I gave you
I can make it better, at least I hope I can
Because I'm praying hard with my stone hands
I hope you can save me
And everything I am, or everything I'm not
I'll give it all I've got
Cause I need to feel human
I want to feel alive again
If you could give me a chance
I think I could change your mind with this pen
And my words...

I sat on the hill where we met for an hour today
I think I saw you there, or maybe I'm seeing things again
I watched us walking by the medow, we were holding hands
You walked up to the tracks and pointed at the train
I closed my eyes, then things weren't ever the same
I can't seem to forget what happened there
How I nearly lost you
How you let go of the hope and the rope that I tossed you
I guess it's just me, or maybe that's how things are meant to be

Truth and honesty never came easy to me
So I'll try my best
I think I love who you are
But our friendship is crashing like a car
And I know you need a hero to save you
But regardless of the scars I think that I gave you
I can make it better, at least I hope I can
Because I'm praying hard with my stone hands
I hope you can save me
And everything I am, or everything I'm not
I'll give it all I've got
Cause I need to feel human
I want to feel alive again
If you could give me a chance
I think I could change your mind with this pen
And my words...

What if we both just smiled at once?

The Corsair

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« Reply #1 on: May 04, 2012, 07:19:51 AM »
It was a bit of a marathon read, but that's irrelevant :P

As always it's a fantastic piece, powerful and emotive, but I find that it doesn't seem to be much of a song... It reads like a poem, a free verse one. I'm not sure whether you've written this with a melody in mind but I'm not sure I see it fitting well into a song if you haven't already written it to fit.
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titiami

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« Reply #2 on: May 10, 2012, 03:49:30 PM »
I THINK CORSAIR IS RIGHT, SOUNDS LIKE A POEM.BUT I ENJOYED READING THE WORDS.