konalavadome

Babydoll and a lyrical dilemma...

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The Corsair

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« on: May 01, 2012, 01:07:33 PM »
My writing has now become split into three distinct categories and it's really starting to frustrate me because, frankly, it guarantees that at least one chunk of them won't be used (I don't really want one band playing two radically different styles). I'm either writing my new style of Punk/DnB lyrics (of which I have posted none so far) which is great fun and a real challenge, my (often more politically charged) heavier songs that are, in places, metal-inspired or a more upbeat New-wave, Fratellis/Costello inspired style.

I love all three and am enjoying the challenges associated with each but I'm finding I have to really choose which I want to be playing and I have no idea which way to go...

This falls into the third category (the more upbeat sort).
Now I'm not quite sure about this one and feel I've done a poorer job than usual of avoiding cliches and bad writing and even then it took me a good 5 tries to get the second verse done...
Seeing as Schav found it great to have a 'sounds like' song for one of my other pieces, I decided to do the same here
&ob=av2e
Without any further ado:


Babydoll


I've been left in a pool of woe before
A thousand reasons to throw love out the door
But I find myself wanting more

I've had times when I've dragged along the floor
Feet too tired to move me forward
Here I find myself reassured

And I realise
It isn't
The season
For glorious love like fairytales
But I think
That's not
A reason
To deny me what I crave

(Chorus)
Dear universe I want a new babydoll
Is that too much to ask?
I've been trying but they never want me back
And nothing
Can make me think
I'm undeserving
My heart's on the brink
But I'm not falling apart
I just really miss falling in love

I've learned how to be hard as stone
In hard times I know I've grown
But who really wants to be alone?

Break me free from the drone
Of silence waiting for the phone
Hung up on someone unknown

And I realise
It isn't
The season
For glorious love like fairytales
But I think
That's not
A reason
To deny me what I crave

I've lived by the light of the straggler's moon for too long
Now I think it's time to pick myself up and try

(Chorus)

She won't be dancing anymore
No her feet have got too sore
There she will be
Waiting for me
But she doesn't know it yet
She's the one I deserve to get
And I can put my sighs to bed for good

(Chorus)
Dear universe I want a new babydoll
Is that too much to ask?
I've been trying but they never want me back
And nothing
Can make me think
I'm undeserving
My heart's on the brink
I'm ready to fall
All the way

Head over heels
Down the stairs
Over cliffs through the air
(x3)
In love
Defective Elector

Sellon

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...

« Reply #1 on: May 02, 2012, 07:29:18 PM »
I think this is good, but i think its a little too different from what you usually write, suppose I'm not used to changes, I must say I liked the other stuff you wrote a lot more, but I still think this is nice.
What if we both just smiled at once?

James Nighthawk

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« Reply #2 on: May 04, 2012, 02:54:08 AM »
I like this. I can hear "Panic at The Disco" singing it. (I don't know whether they are "cool", so apologies if I have offended. I gave up on the "coolometer" years ago!)

The lyrics have clear bounce and sway that incite a melodic flow, and would fit easily to music.

They are accessible but different enough to stand out.

I primarily like the choice of the word "Babydoll". It is used as a reference to a new lover, cohort, true love....BUT as the word itself is "tacky" for wont of a better word, to me it indicates that whilst the singer is craving love he is perhaps too immature in life and love to want the real thing. As such he is searching for the Barbie Doll Equivalent. A plastic partaking.

"I just really miss falling in love" solidifies this. He is juvenile in his outlook on affection but nevertheless is honest enough about his standing and his very real craving.

This is the kind of lyric that will show you where you stood in life when you look back in 10 years time. This is meant as a compliment by the way; I feel there is some honest poetry here  ;D
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The Corsair

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« Reply #3 on: May 04, 2012, 07:31:37 AM »
Wow, cheers for the lengthy review James :D. I fear there might be a bit of 'english teacher syndrome' there though. It was literally intended to be a bit of a lighthearted song that has some (only a few) links to my personal 'single man woes' but what you've suggested sounds a lot more deep and meaningful so I'll go with that ;D

Also, I'm personally a Panic fan so that's by no means an insult to me (though I think it would be to some...)

Sellon:
I see exactly what you mean and it's actually exactly why I'm struggling with this sort of thing myself, it's so different. I'm also not sure which style I prefer myself...
Defective Elector

melfen

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« Reply #4 on: May 04, 2012, 06:05:36 PM »
I like that a lot I did have to read it a coiuple of times for my brain to click, clever lyrics thanks. 
melfen

Nekia

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« Reply #5 on: May 06, 2012, 03:11:14 PM »
I didn't listen to the soundalike, but I really like these lyrics and upon a 2nd read, could hear a clear melody in my head. The prechorus got me the most. I really dislike the word "season" for reasons unknown, but it didn't bother me here.

You know you've got something good when you can hear every bar in your head and have already imagined it played live. Good stuff.

Mr.Chainsaw

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« Reply #6 on: May 09, 2012, 05:13:10 PM »
Yo Corsair, these are really different for you :D

"Break me free from the drone
Of silence waiting for the phone
Hung up on someone unknown"

Like the cheeky double entendre (or however you spell it) of "hung up". Makes my mind go "Aha!" in a good way

r.e. your dilemma, just do all fucking three! If you love them all, be a slut I say. That's why I have 14 girlfriends, naturally...

But seriously, trying new styles and genres helps you expland as an artist, and learn new things about music. I've recently been playing around with spanish guitar picking techniques and you get a real evocative sound from it.

Peter

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Except talking.

That's about the same.