[The Corsair]

So before I went for whatever it is I go for now I started out with emo. I went into pop-punk fairly quickly but that's another story...

This is literally the 3rd song I ever wrote and was early 2007 (February actually, why do I remember that?)

So yeah, I like to think I've come a long way in terms of my quality of writing, but I'll let you be the judges of that

Broken

Stitch up my torn remains
One more tear and I'm no more
And there's one last thing to say
Before I fade away

Pick up the shattered pieces
Every single last tiny shard
'Cause I'm barely holding on
And soon I will be gone

(Chorus)
I'm broken
I'm broken hearted
I'm broken
Right back where I started
I'm broken
I'm broken
And it's all because of you

Soon I will be forgotten
A tiny fading memory
This is my last chance
Got one more shot, shot down

(Chorus)

Stitch up my torn remains
One more tear and I'm no more
And there's one last thing to say
Before I fade away

(Chorus)

Pick up the shattered pieces
Every single last tiny shard
'Cause I'm barely holding on
And soon I will be gone



...


Ok, I was 12 when I wrote that, what the hell did I know about being broken hearted? I don't even know about it now!

[S.T.C]

Thats quite good for 12 yrs old..it flows ..i`ll say that.

[Kafla]

Holy shit for 12 that's frightening 

Bit cheesy in places but you need to use that chorus - it has that joy division 'atmosphere ' thing going on

[nooms]

i like this corsair, its simple and direct, no embroidery  (no pun intended)
works really well

[tina m]

i have to say this looks more like a song lyric to me than most of what else youve posted in that its simpler & shorter & rhymes better

i have entered the latest competition doing lyrics  not music simply becos i dont feel i could work with most of the lyrics that are posted on this forum
im not saying there not good but most of them dont strike me as easy to put to music

i thought it sounded very mature for a 12 yr old

[The Corsair]

Thanks for the feedback guys (and not being too harsh )

I see what you mean about it having a clear structure. The reason I made a shift is because I found that I was writing every song in a fairly standard structure. It was all very clear and organised but it got boring, so I actively tried to mix it up a bit. My main focus has always been changing the content as, frankly, I hate the content and message of my older songs.

Again, thanks. And don't be afraid to rip the shit out of the whiny lyrics, I don't mind

[postmn]

thts sick for a 12yr, i love thisssss

[Sellon]

oooh man, that's pretty good, looks like the stuff I used to write as a kid, so I can relate a lot to it, its actually better than what I was writing at 12, honestly, I'm kinda impressed