[Boydie]

My first submission for review... 

I was trying to write a different song and this jumped into my head and I couldn't get it out   

It was not a song I particularly wanted to write/record as I am trying to go for a more commercial approach but I decided to record it to "get it out of the way" (I am sure you have all been there!  )

It is the first song I have recorded completely "in the box" using a laptop and SONAR 8.5!

I would appreciate it if anyone could take a stab at what "genre" it would fit into - the closest I can get is "Sad Country" but I may be missing the obvious!

All comments welcome

Thanks

Boydie


http://soundcloud.com/boydiemusic/hole-in-my-world


Hole In My World

There's a hole in my world
There's a hole in my world
There's a hole in my world
And its shaped like you
And the things you used to do

There's a hole in my heart
There's a hole in my heart
There's a hole in my heart
Where you used to be
I want you back with me

oh baby i hear you
when i know you'r far away
even when im not near you
i wish that you could stay

even though im still grieving
im still believing
ill find a way

There's a hole in my soul
There's a hole in my soul
There's a hole in my soul
That I'll never repair
Without you there

Guitar Solo

oh baby i hear you
when i know you'r far away
even when im not near you
i wish that you could stay
even though im still grieving
im still believing
ill find a way

There's a hole in my world
There's a hole in my world
There's a hole in my world
Where you used to be
i want you back with me

There's a hole in my world
There's a hole in my world
There's a hole in my world

[Schavuitje]

Hiya
I like it. It's not brilliant and the lyrics are pretty crap   but I like it anyway
I wouldn't say it was strictly a country song, country pop? British country pop? Who knows haha. You can definately hear the British
influence in it.
I wouldn't be ars*d about what genre it is anyway mate. Who cares. It's music. Although I do hate it
when soundcloud wants you to type in what genre your song fits into. I really struggle with that because I have no idea what my music would be classed as,
especially since I'm sure each one is in a different "genre" to the next.
This is a good one to get out of the way  
Now bring on some more (with better lyrics) 

[cheff daniel]

very nice song. lyrics are pretty simple and cliche, but fit the song. what genre? like schavuitje already said, not really important. somewhere i can hear a stones ballad like wild horses or dead flowers in it. not that good yet but who knows.



gr.   Dan

[Kafla]

Great voice Boydie 

Lyrics read crap but sound ace when sung and with the music, brilliant pop sentiment

Great song structure and simple production present the song in a positive light

Good effort mate 

[Kafla]

Who's yunima Cheff and why is yunima repeating your review?

Something your not telling us ?  

[cheff daniel]

i dunno

[tina m]

this is a good effort & sounds like the bare bones of a something better......it needs more to make it interesting
the vocal was good but harmonies would drasticly improve things
the guitar solo was good but the song again needs some other little frills to fill it out all the way thru
i think there was a bass line there but it needs a more dominent bass part to make the most of the drums & rhythm
something i can never understand is why anyone would want to repeat the same line of lyric 3 times particulerly at the start of a song
you dont want to be boring at the point when you need most  to interest  & excite people.....do you know what i mean?

anyway these arent  criticisms there just suggestions on how you can make somthing good into something great

[James Nighthawk]

Genres are largely unimportant and can de destructive; why limit the way you write!

But I would put this is "Brit-acoustic-rock". Kinda Paul Weller, Ocean Colour Scene, etc. I do like a good OCS song 

This is a very simple little song that doesn't really grab, but it is inoffensive enough and well presented.

The lyrics are pretty damn terrible I am afraid. Cliched to the nth degree. Lyrics should say something, mean something, and make us think and/or feel something.

You have the playing and presentation down. Focus your energy in future songs on something that is uniquely you. Words that say something. A melody all of your own, a chord change that sparks something.

Look forward to hearing more!

[Songsmith]

Hi Boydie!!

I would class it as music & endorse what other say about it not mattering a shi* what category it fits. I also agree with Shav re the lyrics & your playing & recording skills sound great. The tune is really nice & you've got a great feel coming across I think, looking forward to more

 

[nooms]

hi boydie
lovely feel to it,
nicely understated & perfect solo
reminds a little of ryan adams in that direction anyway
simple, fine work
nooms

[Boydie]

Thanks guys

I really appreciate the honest feedback

It was easier posting a first song that I wasn't "precious" about

I nearly just canned the song but it has been useful posting it for review and I would urge others to post even their "throw aways" for review/comments

The comments are all spot on, particularly regarding the lyrics, and will help when putting lyrics together for future songs

I am trying really hard to simplify my lyrics and to write with a commercial slant so I am "playing" with the balance between rich, image laden, poetic lyrics and conversational "commercial" lyrics

I was definitely going for simple and repetitive with this track, perhaps straying into "Clicheville" now and then   

Thanks again and I can't wait to get my next song finished and up for review (after review lots of other member's songs of course! 

[estreet]

I thought the verses were a nice groove and melody, but the 'ooh baby' bit turned me off somewhat.
Lyrics-wise, it's not so much the simplicity as the fact that the best line's been done already and the rest are way too familiar:

'There's a hole in my heart,
But its in the shape of you'

Shape of you - Jewel.


I think you can do something with it though - as I say, it has a nice vibe and vocal on the verses.
Look forward to hearing your next...

[Boydie]

Cheers estreet

I have genuinely never heard of Jewel before

Damn her and her time machine!!!!

I guess that is another good reason to post songs for review - to check nobody has previously used the same lyric/melody idea, especially artists you may never have heard of before