[The Corsair]

It's a slightly older one from my last band. We almost had it but didn't have time to finish it before the show it was intended for so the music never quite came together and we never properly went through any lyric editing. There are some parts I feel are definitely weaker than others...


Honesty (Take Me Home)


We write these words down to say what we can't speak out loud
We write these words down to say what we can't speak out loud
We write these words down to say what we can't speak out loud
We write these words down to say what we can't speak out loud

I'm not a sinner
But I know I'm far from perfect
We're not all winners
But the losers still get by
Nothing gets broken
But the bruises aren't always worth it
Words softly spoken
Are enough to make me smile

(Chorus)
Take me home
When we've done all we can
Take me home
When we don't have a plan
When the night is over
Take me home
When we can't win the fight
Take me home
When we can't hold out through the night
When the war is over
Take me home

The doors are closing
And this one is the last train
The road you've chosen
Means that you might miss it
These words we're writing
Feel like they're a little less plain
Make them exciting
The message stays implicit

(Chorus)

Bittersweet homecoming
Makes me not want to leave
Bittersweet homecoming
Tell me what you believe
I'll be glad to leave as more than friends
But do you think we'll ever meet again?

(Chorus x2)

[tina m]

i never have a clue what other peoples lyrics are about... i must be stupid...its only when there with music that i get a clue or a picture
so the only opinion i feel qualified to give you is if i was putting these to music

anyway it all reads very well but the order of the take me homes  in the chorus is a bit odd & i think id have a problem there...
also the intro bit ...we write these words down etc sounds rather clumsy... id try & say the same thing in a more snappy way

im also very wary of trying to rhyme with words like implicit cos if your not careful it can sound clumsy & contrived

but im not telling you what to do im just trying to find a way i can offer something as a songwriter on lyrics

[Dutchbeat]

I like this very much! Don't know why, to be honest, but i love these lyrics

would really work with synthesizer music

[Caifx004]

Finally getting back to you.... I like this one... It leaves some to the imagination... That's what I try to do.... Let the listerner or in our case... reader.... incorperate in thier own situations.... Good stuff...

[Sellon]

First off, you may have too many of the first line here, but either way, pretty good like always, you always have a real good message, makes you think about the world and all that, you know what I mean?
Real good stuff, keep it up, I wanna see more from you.

[The Corsair]

That seems to be the overarching feedback I'm getting, the first line is a bit excessive and/or out-of-place.

It's intention is to be something of an opener with only a guitar in the background and crashes between the lines before opening out into the main song. I can see, though, how this may be difficult in practice...

I think I'll cut those first 4 lines for now and if, in playing the final song, we can get them to work I might put them back in.

I might also change lines 2 and 4 of that to be something different (but rhyming) so it's not such a drone.

As for your point about the chorus, Tinam, we did timing a bit odd when we played it in my old band but it still syncs up nicely and with an agreeable chord progression we had it working.

Cheers for the feedback guys

[laurabh]

Personally, I like the first 4 lines of the introduction, I don't know why, but I do! And I think the song flows really well, do you have the music for this?

[Mr.Chainsaw]

The ABACABAC rhyming pattern in the verses is cool man. I can tell you've been pushing yourself here. Good stuff mate

Peter

[The Corsair]

Personally, I like the first 4 lines of the introduction, I don't know why, but I do! And I think the song flows really well, do you have the music for this?

I did, but that band has since split and our deal was we each took our separate parts so I still have my lyrics but would find myself in hot water if I tried to steal the chord progression.

Thanks Chainsaw, I hadn't really noticed until now that was the rhyme scheme I'd used XD

[Songsmith]

Hi Corsair,

I like this, a good strong lyric although I go along with Sellon on the possibility of the chorus/opening being a bit longbut in saying that it may fit in better with the melody/rhythm you have for it. Nice work!!