[The Corsair]

The full title is 'A Maze By Any Other Name' and was something I put together in about 30 minutes (including guitar, bass and drums) but again I'm constrained by my lack of recording equipment.
Please review, guys


A Maze By Any Other Name


We'll take it easy
We'll take it slow
But failing that
We'll have a go
At flying without a plane

We may be lost
Here in this maze
We may end up
Running for days
But we're not losing our brains

Someone is watching
Playing God
Analysing
Where we trod
So he can corner us

It's a game
The stakes are high
I met the master
Asked him why
Thought I was dead
Then he looked me in the eye and said

(Chorus)
No I won't stop this clock
I won't wait
I won't break for you
Make haste
No I won't make it stop
No clues
No shame
Better make your great escape
I won't cut you slack
I won't back down
I just track down
Bodies on the stack now
I won't make attacks
Just wear you down
Better make your great escape

We got a warning
Nothing more
Next time we can't be
So unsure
We'll have to make a change

We may be lost
Here in this maze
We may end up
Running for days
But we're not losing our brains

Constant dread
That message replays in my head

(Chorus)

Won't stop the clock
Won't wait for us
To get our act together
No chances
All he needs
Is an opportunity
No eye contact
No glances

Don't make offence
Don't taunt him
Just survive
Just Survive!

(Chorus)

We may be lost
but he's down a notch
We'll make it out
Just watch

[tone]

Replying to your thread in a demonstration of solidarity

Ok, to me this lyric feels unedited, which is partly a good thing and partly a bad thing in my book. Good because it has the energy of something raw and immediate, but also lacks a little sculpting and deeper thought.

Honestly, it has the feel of something that was put together in 30 minutes. But, it has a lot of potential, and massive scope to be something much better. A lot of lines feel like they're there solely for the sake of the rhyme scheme and don't support the feel of the song. Lines like "I won't make attacks" and "but he's down a notch" are interrupting the conversational flow in my opinion because they don't sound like lines someone would actually say. On the other hand, this line is perfect "we may be lost here in this maze, we may end up running for days"

[The Corsair]

Thanks for the feedback

I see what you mean with those lines. I'll look back into them. You're actually very right that 'notch' was just to fit the rhyme. I was so close to finishing it I gave in and googled 'watch' rhymes.

The song will have a lot of energy to it as it's part of an experiment in a metal/grunge kind of sound (taking the bigger booms of metal and the loud/quiet/loud of grunge) and the chorus is quite heavy, I'm glad that seems evident in the lyrics.

There's clearly a lot of refining to do, cheers

[Kafla]

Hi Corsair,

You come across as someone who cares a lot more about lyrics than the average bear and that is very admirable

I tend to write lyrics 10 minutes before I record the song having spent weeks arranging the production and melody 

I am not sure what to make of this at all - the title is very pretentious and most of the song is just so-so

I am not sure what its about (not always a bad thing) and I think there is nothing major in it that strikes me

I honestly think you can and have done much better, you have the ability but lack focus.

I hope you do not get uptight about this review and see it for what it is - I think you have talent but since you care so much about your lyrics (and thats all we have to go on) I would review, review and review them and work harder to make every line count

I once read that Lenoard Cohen used to fill a complete A4 pad just to get one line!

[The Corsair]

Hi Corsair,

You come across as someone who cares a lot more about lyrics than the average bear and that is very admirable

I tend to write lyrics 10 minutes before I record the song having spent weeks arranging the production and melody 

I am not sure what to make of this at all - the title is very pretentious and most of the song is just so-so

I am not sure what its about (not always a bad thing) and I think there is nothing major in it that strikes me

I honestly think you can and have done much better, you have the ability but lack focus.

I hope you do not get uptight about this review and see it for what it is - I think you have talent but since you care so much about your lyrics (and thats all we have to go on) I would review, review and review them and work harder to make every line count

I once read that Lenoard Cohen used to fill a complete A4 pad just to get one line!

I agree that these are middle-of-the-road, it was a half-hour job after all
To be honest, the song I posted a bit earlier than this (Dominoes) was a far better piece and it passed by pretty unnoticed so I'm a tad frustrated that this has got more attention than that, though I guess that's because of the thread I stared in the bar... 

It seems I may be looking at some major re-writes then. This song doesn't have much of a message and I guess that really shows through and is probably a large portion of what's bringing it down. I need to find a better set of lyrics to capture the aggression that formed the vocal hooks here (which of course one can't see in the lyrics lol)

Thanks Kafla

[estreet]

Is the song about characters in a computer game?

Maybe I'm miles off, but if not then I think there's a lot of mileage in a song where they don't know that's what they are ... Like the title characters in Stoppard's play/film 'Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead' where two minor characters in Hamlet are trapped in the play and can't make sense of what's going on.

[The Corsair]

It certainly wasn't written with some big message in mind so I guess the only thing there is the implication of a story. The story isn't intended but as with a lot of my writing it emerged organically as I wrote.

[Sellon]

I dunno what to say about this really, so this reminds me of how hard life is, you know, you're not really given any direction, you just gotta do your own thing, I think it perfectly captures that, also you've got good structure here, and its an easy read and also not a hard thing to imagine as a song (By easy read I mean it doesn't confuse the hell out of you)
all in all, a decent write by you, as always.

[The Corsair]

Thanks Sellon
Nice to know there's something there that resonates with the reader

[Jackdaw]

I absolutely adore this lyrical liccle ditty.
It kinda reminds me of a couple of songs by Al Stewart of the Year of the Cat fame.

Well done.

Jackdaw1888 :-)

[Jackdaw]

Personally speaking, I would of entitled such a song as 'The Prisoner' from the hit series of the late 60's come early 70's starring Patrick McGoohan.

Jackdaw1888 :-)