Loser (working title) 15 years old, and an aspiring songwriter

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laurabh

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« on: March 19, 2012, 06:10:01 PM »
I'm 15 years old and an aspiring songwriter. I've been taking in advice whilst writing, and this is a song I've just wrote. Its all from my personal experience, I was bullied, and so that's what the song is about. It would be good to get some opinions and advice. Thanks, Laura :)

I find it hard to believe that what you did to me
Was just innocent.
I’ve now moved on but I’m curious to know,
How do you live with that guilt inside?

You spouted your lies
Tried to mess up my life
And you succeeded, for a while.

But I’m over you now,
Commiserations.
And I thank you for all that the hurt that you caused me.
It happened to make me stronger.

You’re filled with guilt,
Congratulations,
Cause now my wounds have healed and the daggers you threw,
Are heading back, your way.

I’m now the winner
And you’re just a loser
That can no longer take me down.

You’re all alone
I’ve got all of my friends beside/behind me
And I have no sympathy!

I’m over you now,
Commiserations.
And I thank you for all that the hurt that you caused me.
It happened to make me stronger.

You’re filled with guilt,
Congratulations,
Cause now my wounds have healed and the daggers you threw,
Are heading back, your way.

How did it feel...?
Did you get some sort of buzz?
From making fun of me.
What made it start...?
Was it something I did?
That made me deserve the pain you gave me!

I’m over you now,
Commiserations.
And I thank you for all that the hurt that you caused me.
It happened to make me stronger.

You’re filled with guilt,
Congratulations,
Cause now my wounds have healed and the daggers you threw,
Are heading back, your way.
They’re headed back, your way.


S.T.C

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« Reply #1 on: March 19, 2012, 06:42:20 PM »
Be careful this is how Adele started. ;) ;)
« Last Edit: March 20, 2012, 09:35:01 AM by songsthatcry »

laurabh

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« Reply #2 on: March 19, 2012, 10:35:16 PM »
Sorry, I don't get it? ?

S.T.C

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« Reply #3 on: March 20, 2012, 12:30:58 AM »
Sorry, I don't get it? ?

songs about people that upset her...only a joke.keep writing.

The Corsair

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« Reply #4 on: March 20, 2012, 01:06:39 AM »
If I'm honest I think you've hit that point where you're posting too much of your own stuff and reviewing too little of other people's stuff (looking over your posting history)

I also think you're again writing very same-ish stuff, which is fine if all you want is generic radio pop bu it won't get much positivity here if I'm being blunt.
Defective Elector

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« Reply #5 on: March 20, 2012, 09:39:50 AM »
If I'm honest I think you've hit that point where you're posting too much of your own stuff and reviewing too little of other people's stuff (looking over your posting history)

I also think you're again writing very same-ish stuff, which is fine if all you want is generic radio pop bu it won't get much positivity here if I'm being blunt.

She`s only 15 mate....i think her stuff is as good as a lot i`ve read in the past from mature people..

It`s more of a letter than a set of true lyrics...but it could be re#written..

The Corsair

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« Reply #6 on: March 20, 2012, 09:43:58 AM »
which of those points are you referring to?
Defective Elector

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« Reply #7 on: March 20, 2012, 09:53:51 AM »
Not sure what you mean? except to say i thought you were a little harsh considering her age....at 15 i reckon my stuff would have been a lot worse...shes only writing from her limited experience in life and whats important to her....
« Last Edit: March 20, 2012, 10:27:36 AM by songsthatcry »

laurabh

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« Reply #8 on: March 20, 2012, 03:21:35 PM »
The reason I don't review a lot, is because I find it hard to comment on music and lyrics that have been written by people older than me, with a lot more experience compared to what I have. I don't think I have the right to criticise peoples work, when I have no experience. I do review sometimes; as you can see from my posting history.

As for my lyrics, again, I have little experience in life at 15, so I'm still learning, and welcome criticism of my work. I want to improve, but I also want to be able to try out different genre's of music. So although these lyrics may seem 'radio pop' I am trying 5o widen my approach of writing, but I do like that kind of music too.

I'm young, and I only started writing about 1 month ago, so I hope you can appreciate that what I write does need a lot of improvement. But I'm not giving it up now, I enjoy. writing, and I want to improve, if I'm ever going to make it as a songwriter.

estreet

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« Reply #9 on: March 20, 2012, 09:01:28 PM »
Hi Laura,
I don't think you should worry about reviewing older people's work - you only have to be honest about how it comes across to you. Hopefully, we aren't looking just for the views of other mature songwriters but rather of a spectrum of humanity - and that includes you. Lots of stuff gets posted here - you don't have to have an opinion about everything, we all pass over postings where we have nothing useful to offer. Just say what you think.
Youth & enthusiasm are no match for age and treachery.

The Corsair

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« Reply #10 on: March 20, 2012, 09:20:56 PM »
Exactly. I was 16 when I signed up to this forum and found my feedback was just as appreciated as other people's
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« Reply #11 on: March 23, 2012, 02:05:33 PM »
I have to agree with corsair and estreet, I'm 16 and I still review people's work, not as much as I should, I know, but still, better than nothing, it gets easier I suppose, and plus...songsthatcry, age doesn't REALLY matter...you can still write beautiful things, just cause someone's younger doesn't mean you can't be harsh, you have to be cruel to be kind, motivate people to be better

On to the review nowwwww

ok well, it's good, because you're directly saying to this person ''Hey fuck you, I'm better than you'' pretty much
But some parts make no sense , how can you get over a bully?
Seems a lot like a break up song really, but, it's better than before and you have improved, so good job, all in all, still not the BEST you could be doing, but not the worst, you have improved quite a bit.
What if we both just smiled at once?

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« Reply #12 on: March 23, 2012, 02:19:44 PM »
What i was referring to was her age as a lyricist, her ability to review is up to her ,although she thinks at her age she can`t.

I don`t think people should review, if they don`t know what their talking about.....saying yeah that was really good and i enjoyed it, just to be nice or for the sake of posting, doesn`t help the writer develop,at the same time saying it`s not that good,could result in low self esteem and giving up.

Some people just can`t write lyrics,some do but shouldn`t and some get better with age and practice.. i put Laura in the latter category. ;)


Sellon

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« Reply #13 on: March 23, 2012, 02:25:31 PM »
I suppose, but, like I said, cruel to be kind, and if they give up, then they never really loved writing at all, if you love something enough, well, it'll drive you and make you better, at least in all my experiences.
What if we both just smiled at once?

estreet

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« Reply #14 on: March 23, 2012, 09:04:12 PM »
Re: inexperience and reviews: I think it can be quite interesting sometimes to hear what someone who is in completely different world to the ones you write your songs from makes of them.
Youth & enthusiasm are no match for age and treachery.