[daniloprates]

hi there! i wrote this lyric in my mother language, portuguese. now i'm trying to translate it into English, but I need some help! lol!

well, the lyric is poetic, so it's a bit nonsense. but more than that, i'd like to know if there are some mistakes. i put between parenthesis some words i'm not sure which one to choose. all kind of feedback is welcome!

thank you very much!

here it goes:

I WILL LAND RIGHT ON YOUR HAND

Tell me a sight, (or look?)
I'll greet you with a smile
Give me your hand and more
I'll show you where to go
Get me out to dance
and I propose us to run away

I will find you in the ocean
In the deep sea, endless blue
Pick your flower the whole year long
I will plant you in my garden
Pretend it was just a mistake
I'm gonna steal you just for me

Into your deep of your eyes
I'm gonna make my home
In the waves of your hair
My bonds of eternal love
And it is on your lips
I make my speech

I'll dive into your secret
I wanna swim into your summer
I wanna dream of your smile
and gonna wake up on your bed
I'm gonna float above your center
and land right on your hand

[S.T.C]

It`s not correct, but difficult for someone else to correct without having to interpret your thoughts and so would change the meaning of your song,i would explain more but i`m feeling knackered,,,(tired)

[estreet]

I'll try:

I WILL LAND RIGHT IN YOUR HAND

Give me a look
I'll greet you with a smile
Give me your hand and more
I'll show you where to go
Take me out to dance
Maybe we could run away

I will find you in the ocean
In the deep sea, endless blue
Pick your flowers the whole year long
I will plant you in my garden
Pretend it was just a mistake
I'm gonna steal you just for me

In the deep of your eyes
I'm gonna make my home
In the waves of your hair
Are bonds of eternal love
And it is on your lips
I'll make my speech

I'll dive into your secrets
I wanna swim into your summer
I wanna dream of your smile
I'm gonna wake up on your bed
I'm gonna float above your center
and land right in your hand.

That's in better English - but as to whether it fits your music or means exactly what you wanted I'm not sure. There weren't a lot of changes - your English is pretty good. You can say 'Land right ON your hand' if you meant like a bird or butterfly would - but I think it sounds a bit odd, whereas to land in someone's hand is a more common romantic metaphor. Also 'on' or 'in' your bed have a different slant - 'in' would be more suggestive of having made love than 'on' would.

In the first verse there's a slightly clumsy change of control between:

Give me your hand and more
I'll show you where to go

Where you are leading the situation, and


Take me out to dance
Maybe we could run away


Where she is ... so I think

Give me your hand and more,
I'll show you where to go.
I'll take you out to dance,.
And maybe we could run away


Would be a lot better if it fits.
Hope that helps.

Carl.