[papisilver]

Pls this is the first recording i am posting here i need your sincere opinion. thank you

http://soundcloud.com/que-peller/paparazzi


I been searching long for fortune and fame
but i dont just understand this place
so i keep going on day by day
hopping for the pains to go away
jaja came along to tell me say
son your problems will go away
now every body ride from coast to coast
and paparazzi wont leave me alone

leave me alone, leave me alone
paparazzi wont leave me alone2ce

gray goose, Hennessy, Joni bru, Bacardi
back in the studio molling up the tiny yo
gisting about how do dis is aw we leave it up
this is how we deliberate celebrate everyday
cos we bout to elevate
cos we bout to escalate
I'm bout to be the change I'm bout to rise
if you think i have to pay then you name the price
but thats not necessary  just anymore
cos i gone past this long time ago
i walk this street and i paid my dues
cos my troubles never come in twos


I been searching long for fortune and fame
but i dont just understand this place
so i keep going on day by day
hopping for the pains to go away
jaja came along to tell me say
son your problems will go away
now every body ride from coast to coast
and paparazzi wont leave me alone

leave me alone, leave me alone
paparazzi wont leave me alone2ce


coming from the bottom heading to the top
mr hatter tell me where you coming from
have you been to the ghetto have you been to the street
do you know what it takes to make it out clean
respect to my people that got me here
respect to my people that showed me the way
respect to buster respect to jaja
respect to the boss aquilla
respect to my people that rose from the ghetto
me no want trouble I'm just on the hustle
wanna take this music and keep going on
cos this shining light is all i want

I been searching long for fortune and fame
but i dont just understand this place
so i keep going on day by day
hopping for the pains to go away
jaja came along to tell me say
son your problems will go away
now every body ride from coast to coast
and paparazzi wont leave me alone

leave me alone, leave me alone
paparazzi wont leave me alone2ce

heyyy heyyy hey
Que paparazzi dont want leave me alone
buster bust i see you
how did i get here
Aquila i see you
doly p i see u
dont leave me alone
its ur boy que

[estreet]

Hi papisilver,

On first listen, my overwhelming impression is that it desperately needs, if not a chorus, then something like a piano or female voice melody that re-enters and gives it a hook. At the moment I feel there's not enough melody in there to latch onto, and it seems pretty relentless at over 4 minutes with nothing changing. I think that would make a world of difference to it.

[tone]

Hey Papi

Great groove and atmosphere in this track. I love the melody - it's very catchy and has tons of commercial appeal. I think the only thing that lets this songs down at the moment is the arrangement. I don't feel that there's enough contrast between the verses and the chorus, and there's no real dynamic, which means you're wearing out your melody a bit from repetition without a break. Of course, this is just my opinion, but I think you have the foundations of a brilliant track there. Just a few tweaks would make a massive difference.

Out of interest, what software did you use to produce this?

[cheff daniel]

nice laid back feel here. lyrics don't seem to fit the beat did you wrote them first?


gr.   Dan

[Songsmith]

Hi Papisilver,

Nice track this but I have two issues with it --
1/. I find that the words are not fitting the rhythm in many places so it loses sync for me a bit --

2/. This is a personal thing but I can't stand the vocoder effect on vocals, you can either sing or you can't & you certainly CAN!!! I like your voice, it has great tonality & I don't think you need it!!!!

Nice job & has great potential

[estreet]

It's Autotune not a vocoder. I'm sure Papisilver did it for the effect rather than because he needed it but I agree that it's been done a lot.

[Dutchbeat]

commercial track, nice groove

good groove
some of the lines, the words (to many syllables?) are forced, the lines just need a bit or more of natural fit to the beat
but many other hlines ave perfect fit and groove
and a chorus, a catchy singing line, a chorus line would totaly take it home

well done, Papi

[Schavuitje]

Hiya

Like others have said, this track has great commercial appeal, but you need to nail the timing of

those lyrics... either that or have a little re-write and make it a bit easier for yourself, because it does distract me

from the whole feel.

I'm also with the others when they say that it desperately needs a change. If not chord-wise then with the vocal melody to make

a sweet chorus.

Good track though here. Feel it would really benefit from eveyones advice

[nooms]

know what you mean about the papparazi, dont leave me alone either..
lovely feel to it and like your vocal sound, has a certain charm about itl, you are cramming words in filling every space, how do you breath ?
think youve got a good moodsy track here but you do need a contrast , a surprise element, then back to the groove..
really good though

[James Nighthawk]

Confident performance and very well done to it's style. Neatly produced and lots of promise.

Please drop the auto-tuner. It overworks the vocal. Leaving it on the chorus section and leaving the remainder dry would give a much better aural contrast. This is semi-rap style anyway, so pitch perfect vocals are not required nor beneficial.

I also have issue with the lyric. "Paparazzi won't leave me alone". Part of this is a personal thing, granted. I dislike it when famous people bitch about the trappings of fame. But when someone writes about the problems of a fame they are still aiming for.... well..... you can follow my logic chain!

Unless there is an irony I am missing (the saviour of all writing and writers!). If it is there it is bloody well hidden though!

[papisilver]

I sincerly thank everybody that gave their opinion. those opinons actually opened my eyes to some ideas and some things i did not take note of b4, though some of the opinions i'm not sure i parfectly understand.
 Estreet, Tone, Dutchbeat, schavuitje and Nooms i guess you guys think i should work around the chorus if possible change it or introduse piano to bridge the chorus somhow to give it a different flavour if that is what u guys think then i have thought of bringing in piano between the chorus and the reminder    "everybody role from coast to coast and paparazzi wont leave me alone".....and.....leave me alone leave me alone. maybe that will do some diferrence. honestly i dont want to bring in much changes cos i just feel a little sceard that i will mess it all up.
Songsmith and Estreet i think i can feel it too that the autotune is not needed. it was just put there for effect, I will firstly try to do as jamesnight hawk suggests  by leaving it on the churus and removing it from the reminder and see if it will come out fine.
Cheff Daniel, yes I wrote the song before the beat was made
Tone, it was recorded and edited with Qbase 5

Thanx again everybody I really appreciate your surport.

[Schavuitje]

I wasn't really talking about bringing in more instruments.

I wasn't even thinking of changing chords. Personally I would use the vocals only. Create a chorus with the vocals.

The bass chord and structure can stay the same. But use your vocals to create the different atmosphere. Stretch them, syncopate them,

Find a good melody that you can return to. It will just separate the main thread a bit so it doesn't sound so relentless.

I know what I mean anyway :p It's something I do a lot. Change the feel of the vocals completely but over the same chords and structure.