[MelodeeNagrand]

Hi!

So usually I'm quite geeky and just do parodies.. however I'm trying to turn the corner and write original bits so figured perhaps you guys might be able to offer some constructive criticisms as I'm sort of new to this. I use Logic Studio with a simple midi keyboard and condenser Mic.

Any helpful tips of general comments would be much appreciated

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0RGterHf5k

Thanks,

Melo <3

[cheff daniel]

drum track is quite busy when its coming in, but later on it fits nicely. verses are a little too much of the same, chorus is catchy, but its all a bit sweet. all and alll with some work i think this can develop in to a pretty good song.


gr.    Dan

[estreet]

Nice voice and groove although the main beat changes a bit too much for me.  Some harmonies would really lift the choruses. I don't think there's bass in enough of the song and although it's got great impact when it comes in, maybe you could use a different more subtle sound (ie: a deep piano bottom end) in a few other places.
Definitely nice for a first attempt!
Saw your other videos listed by it Youtube - I also play WoW!

[Songsmith]

Hi Melo & welcome,

I like the song & the chorus is quite catchy, I do find it a bit one dimensional though, I also use Logic Studio & there are some fantastic sounds within that that would work brilliantly on this & without too much hassle. Have you been using it long? have you got into the loops & editing them yet etc etc? Saying that it has great promise as a track, nice one 

[MelodeeNagrand]

Thanks for the comments so far guys!

I actually forgot I still had those drums in at the beginning, meant to swap them out but yeh drums are always my main problem with songs.. never get them right..

Songsmith: Any chance you could just list me an example? I am kinda new to logic and there's just so much

Thanks Dan and cheff too gonna make some harmony changes

[Dutchbeat]

Sounds good Melodee

we (the Dutchbeats) like it over here a lot!!!!!!

makes us dance

my only tip would be, perhaps take a little more time or sace for singing that main line, spread it out a bit more, more soulwise
don't know whether that makes sense...sorry

but we want more!

[Schavuitje]

Hiya 

I enjoyed it. I can hear some really nice idea's in there.
I'd like to hear you give those lovely vocals some grit here and there. Give it some welly!
I have to agree that it all sounded a bit one dimensional and I would love to hear some strong backing vocals.

I think this is a decent song, needs a little work but it's definately there

[James Nighthawk]

Very interesting writing here. Great understanding of pop logic.

The unfortunate part of home production with pop music is that when it isn't quite right it can sound a little on the cheesy side. But at least it is clear and crisp and brings the song forward nicely! So job done in that respect! And good to see you experimenting with a wide soundscape.

The vocal seemed to get more confident as the song progresses. Nice counterpoint melody that jumps across the speakers on the second half.

All in all a great first song! Welcome to the forum