In her eyes

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Dave Smith94

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« on: February 28, 2012, 10:31:03 PM »
if i could put pen to paper,
I could write a story on how much i hate her,
Actually not a story more of a noval
Then come back and have to groval,
And at the end there will be a moral,
Love her now she could be gone tomorow.

And when shes gone youll realize,
About all the times you made her cry,
Walk in her shoes and then decide,
See yourself now through her eyes.

See Im Dr. Jekyll and Mr.Hyde,
Avert your eyes from this side,
This aint me just my disguise,
one that lets me down from time to time.

And when shes gone youll realize,
About all the times you made her cry,
Walk in her shoes and then decide,
See yourself now through her eyes.

Sellon

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« Reply #1 on: March 01, 2012, 02:20:56 AM »
nice words but too many rhymes. loads of rhymes in a row starts to sound redundant if you sing it...uhh...to be honest...just space out rhymes, would look/sound a lot better
What if we both just smiled at once?

The Corsair

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« Reply #2 on: March 01, 2012, 02:43:26 AM »
nice words but too many rhymes. loads of rhymes in a row starts to sound redundant if you sing it...uhh...to be honest...just space out rhymes, would look/sound a lot better

I disagree, quite completely actually. Rhymes are the hallmark of the majority of poetry and really lyrics are just poetry to music. I think it shows more skill if a lyricist can tell their story with interesting language features and the like and also rhyme. Lyrics without rhymes are perfectly fine and equally as good but I think it's plain stupid to say rhyming songs are inferior because they rhyme.

And a very relevant example of lots of rhymes (or almost-rhymes really) from the song 'Underdog' by You Me At Six
I know
Something you don't
It comes and goes
Like the strength in your bones
Woah

(I'll post the link later, YouTube issues for some reason right now)

Frankly the repeated sound serves to help drum the message into you
Defective Elector

Sellon

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« Reply #3 on: March 01, 2012, 03:23:03 AM »
ok to start with almost none of those words even slang rhyme.
what i'm saying is, perfect rhymes or practically perfect rhymes all in a row sound redundant..
also. you me at six are the worst band in the world, SO overrated. like most mainstream music. no offense if you like it, all the better for you, mainstream is so horrible these days though.
What if we both just smiled at once?

The Corsair

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« Reply #4 on: March 01, 2012, 04:41:31 AM »
ok to start with almost none of those words even slang rhyme.
what i'm saying is, perfect rhymes or practically perfect rhymes all in a row sound redundant..
also. you me at six are the worst band in the world, SO overrated. like most mainstream music. no offense if you like it, all the better for you, mainstream is so horrible these days though.

Alright, I'm not going to get into a debate about whether or not they're mainstream and whether or not that's a good or bad thing.

Explain exactly how lines of rhymes in a row sound redundant. You haven't really backed up your original statement.
Also, how are you any more right than anyone else? I think it's complete haughty bollocks to tell someone that your way of rhyming and writing rhymes would sound better.
Defective Elector

Sellon

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« Reply #5 on: March 01, 2012, 06:37:32 AM »
because it just makes it flow bad, idk, it almost annoys me when i hear it in songs, it sounds cheap and like you've just tried too hard to rhyme things...
I'm not i'm saying that my way of rhyming is better, did I ever even imply that at all, i'm just saying that this way TO ME just doesn't fit right...
I was only saying....I won't bother next time

Also I wasn't saying don't rhyme at all, just not too much, I like using rhymes...just not 239723957279 rhymes.
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Innominate

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« Reply #6 on: March 03, 2012, 05:06:33 PM »
I'm going to have to agree with Corsair here. Free verse and other unconventional styles of prose are all well and good but rhyming is a cornerstone of both poetry and music. Not just lyrics but music itself. I believe notes rhyme, rhythms rhyme, melodies rhyme even harmonies rhyme. The musical equivalent of free verse in music is probably some styles of Jazz, styles that most people simply can't enjoy specifically because of the lack of repetition. Rhyming wouldn't be as prevalent for so long without having redeeming value; that value comes from both ease of memory and the impact of similar sounds in speech and thought. Even Hip-Hop/Rap, the closest thing to musical free verse I know of uses rhymes constantly. And this from a musical style that had NO boundaries during it's inception. Yet they didn't use free verse, they used rhymes because rhyming worked well, it had greater impact than free verse. Even the structure of the 4 line melody of question/answer/QUESTION/answer is rhyming. The Strong/Weak/Med/Weak beat of 4/4 is also rhyming. It is inherent to music and lyrics because it is inherent to thought. The repetition of verse and chorus with interesting variations is one more example of musical rhyming. So it makes perfect sense that the lyrics would follow the rhyming that is inherent in music and work well, which it does.

"
Also I wasn't saying don't rhyme at all, just not too much, I like using rhymes...just not 239723957279 rhymes.

So don't use any rhyme scheme? Don't use ABAB ACAC DD or AABB CCDD because it's too rhymie?

Using this thread's poem is the example, the chosen rhyme scheme of AABBBB CCCC CCCC CCCC is kind of boring, it lacks enough variation to be compelling to me. In fact, it actually repels me a bit. That being said, it is read as a poem, written, rather than heard melodically so it still might work. However I don't think I would suggest exchanging that scheme for the rhyme deficient style that is free verse.

It sounds to me like you have a poor reaction to hearing rhymes in quick succession, to you it sounds "cheep" and "redundant". Which is fine, if a little sad. They certainly can sound that way sometimes. The same rhyme used over and over again in succession definitely can sound redundant. Yet to suggest the problem is rhyming itself? I just don't believe that. Few people write free verse well but should I suggest they start rhyming? Rhyming helps bolster one's words by adding the value of rhyming itself.