[crookedmouth]

http://soundcloud.com/blackpark/light-of-sucksesss
Another new song on a first recording, so once again flawed :-)
Thanks for the comments on the last songs the feed back
is most welcome here in the remote Scottish Highlands,
I've taken on board the comments and pushed up the vocal a bit
on this one, not sure but I'd be interested in what you think.
Thanks again all
Ian
lyrics on soundcloud comments.
too much new songs and stuff to listen to much else just now but
I'll get on and listen around soon.

[estreet]

Interesting song and a meaningful lyric. I felt it needed a more confident performance with you singing and playing a bit harder.

[Dutchbeat]

soothing and worrying at the same time

very good, but i agree with e-street, it sounds like you prefer to play and sing very soft, almost like you don't want to disturb the neighboors...but it does work, i am sort of squeezing the headphones to hear the voice at the soft parts

nice, crookedmouth
 

[Schavuitje]

Hiya again

You know you had me listening intently once again. I really like what you are doing

but it is being spoiled a bit by the performance. Please don't take that badly. As the song

progressed, your guitar playing and your vocals grew less tentative but not enough.

Do you record at night? I do, and that forces me to sometimes be quiet, or to record certain parts

like vocals during the day when I'm not disturbing anyone.

The timing of the guitars isn't right but I fear that that may also be because you are playing so tentatively.

If you were to be more assured in your playing, a bit more aggressive I'm sure you would find it easier to keep it tight.

The same goes for the vocals. Yes they are clearer and higher in the mix but you are still singing them very quietly.

I can hear that you have a very nice tone to your voice so PLEASE!!! Give it some more projection.

Promise you it will be worth it 

[crookedmouth]

Thanks for the comments much appreciated, in my defence
it's just written, first time through all the way so a bit tentative
I'm sure but just happy at this point to hear what the song sounds like :-)
I think it works as a song and will do a belting version of it, thanks again
Ian

[Dutchbeat]

yes, please

belt it out, Crookemouth!!!

[innerdream]

i think the understated performance actually suits the song well 

I can hear some real nice guitar playing, it just needs to be a bit tighter and slightly louder

[Songsmith]

Hi there Ian,

there is something very mystical about this track for me, it has great promise. It does sound to me like you're an old propector marooned on some mountain somewhere, a bit like the stinky pete character in Toy Story, no offence intended, he is my hero  btw!!!
Nice one   

[nooms]

i like your songs crooked, honest. no pun intended.
your vocal and the lyrics are real heartfelt and involving..
mystical as songsmith said .
spend more time on the recording..
its worth it

[James Nighthawk]

Like a few people have said, the lo-fi off-kilter performance and recording suit this track beautifully. I love how we can hear every nuance of the vocal - mouth sounds and vibrato to the fore

It does need a tighter perfomance though, as you are aware.

One point; I would seriously reconsider the alternative spelling of "success/Sucksesss". Separated those two syllables suggest an activity which I very much doubt you are talking about here   

Or maybe I just unearthed the underlying raison d'etre of the track 

[cheff daniel]

completely your own style. i like that. great sound and a good song


gr.   Dan

[crookedmouth]

He;;o
I got a chance to have another crack at
Light of Success (name change:-)
It's tighter and perhaps the vocal more open
I don't know .......... http://soundcloud.com/blackpark/light-of-success
I still like it as a song :-)
Ian

[Schavuitje]

Hiya There's a little difference but it's enough because I really, really anjoyed this! Top stuff sir.

I think someone said, "It does sound to me like you're an old propector marooned on some mountain somewhere."

That's exaclty what you sound like and I love it. It all sounds very intimate

Good Song!

Cheers for that Lee.

[nooms]

hi cm
its still quiet but much better, much clearer, 
wonderfully spooky and you mean every word..
fine song

[James Nighthawk]

Hahaha, glad to see my advice was taken directly RE the track-naming! 

Just listened to version II

Still loving it, and yes, the clearer vocal much improves matters. Love hearing lryics, and the soft delay works beautifully.

Achingly beautiful; headphones on, lay back kind of tune.