[Soul Punk]

thanks gibson much appreciated feedback

One of my massive fears is being a phoney like ripping off Dylan and Springsteen these great hero's but sometimes their influence just spills over

And i didn't understand your edit sorry?

Oh infact I do

I'm still trying to figure out half the characters of Highway 61 revisted!  

also another song i wrote a while back this is a bit more angry than thoughtful tbh but i still fancy an opinion...


You Earned it

Do you think that the beauty in you is dead
Or do you think people only see it in your bed
your stuck in the middle of cosmetic paradise
what you gonna do with a body like that
when you don't even know if its still yours
for the rest of your artificial life.

You're drinkin your poison and tellin your tellin your lies
about what happened between you and the girl the last night
why do you have to resort to make believe
you can't trick the mouth to taste what the eyes can't see
can you feel the tension across the courtyard
when you look straight at her and she looked straight back

It's far too damn crowded in your house
sometimes you just drift above the crowd
they don't even remember who you are
just your aura and what you did for them
you stumble across god in a jack daniels bottle
and ask for a little hope
He says child look at what you have done
put down those silly pills and run

There's a sacred wall in the guys toilets
where they carve your name
don't dare cry about it
don't scream about
you supplied their message
tears for guilt and tears for self pity
Just aren't the same.

P.S Tones critiqued all my songs so far hoping he wont miss out 'Kids' :O

[british anarchy]

You Earned it

Do you think that the beauty in you is dead
Or do you think people only see it in your bed
your stuck in the middle of cosmetic paradise
what you gonna do with a body like that
when you don't even know if its still yours
for the rest of your artificial life.

You're drinkin your poison and tellin your tellin your lies
about what happened between you and the girl the last night
why do you have to resort to make believe
you can't trick the mouth to taste what the eyes can't see
can you feel the tension across the courtyard
when you look straight at her and she looked straight back

It's far too damn crowded in your house
sometimes you just drift above the crowd
they don't even remember who you are
just your aura and what you did for them
you stumble across god in a jack daniels bottle
and ask for a little hope
He says child look at what you have done
put down those silly pills and run

There's a sacred wall in the guys toilets
where they carve your name
don't dare cry about it
don't scream about
you supplied their message
tears for guilt and tears for self pity
Just aren't the same.

P.S Tones critiqued all my songs so far hoping he wont miss out 'Kids' :O

i didnt get the point of kids probally as your idol is someone i have never listened to and dont know their style/genre and no i dont listen to sex pistols either allthow i fount out they had album called british anarchy today :-(

these lyrics i get straight from the go and can share certarin emotions with a charatistic of a great written song

i also these lyric easily fused into a few different genres of music so would appeal to different singers and can be covered by lots of artists and yet still feal unique

[Soul Punk]

I wouldnt bother criticising man its just come across wrong... you don't listen much to my idol.. its my song not Dylans or Springsteens?

I kinda resent the way your doing it as if 'its a bad song because i dont understand it end of story'

and when another member of the forum wont entertain it either it just shows because even in trying to praise my other song you havent offered anything constructive...

I'm not being an ass but when someone criticses me properly... I WILL listen

[tone]

I wouldnt bother criticising man its just come across wrong... you don't listen much to my idol.. its my song not Dylans or Springsteens?

I kinda resent the way your doing it as if 'its a bad song because i dont understand it end of story'

and when another member of the forum wont entertain it either it just shows because even in trying to praise my other song you havent offered anything constructive...

I'm not being an ass but when someone criticses me properly... I WILL listen

I think you're being a tad unfair here Gary, and you keep saying that you can take criticism, but the fact that you have to keep saying it is making me wonder.

I agree to an extent brit anarchy doesn't get the background to this kind of lyric writing, but I don't think that disqualifies him from commenting. In fact, I would say that it makes his comments the most valuable of all.  It shouldn't matter whether he's even heard of Dylan or Springsteen, let alone listened to them.  If the lyrics stand up for themselves as a good body of work, then people will respond.

I think brit anarchy might sound confused at times in this thread, but that's probably because he's in a hurry all the time ( ) and I think your lyrics confused him.  I would say pointing out that he was confused by them IS constructive criticism.

I enjoy reading your lyrics, and I enjoy reading how folks respond to them.  This is the beauty of a forum such as this, and hopefully, it's what makes us better writers.

Brit anarchy probably isn't your usual audience, but on this forum, suddenly he is. The interaction is worth having.

[Soul Punk]

I still feel I have a point but for the sake of harmony ..

I apologise

[Soul Punk]

anyways can someone please give an opinion on kids .. thanks

[tone]

Hey Gary

Kids... took me a while to get that this is the story of a broken town, but it's probably more that I'm tired than that it's not clear enough.

I don't think it's your best lyric, but it's not bad either. Seems a little rushed in places, and some parts lack authenticity. Particularly the church being blown up by a bomb - is the song set in the war?  Also not sure about the white ladder reference.

Having said that, some parts are great I love the verse about the job interview and the first and last verses work pretty well. Needs tidying up in my opinion, but there's the bones of a great song in there.

[Hooky Hamza]

Hi soul, some good stuff here.....I know it's a necro post.... someone pointed me in your direction as we are both Wishy lads.