[domstone86]

First proper song in a few months

Figured I'd try break my habit of making stuff that can only sound like a theme tune!

I've had some real nice compliments from my friend, who still doesn't think my mixes sound completely polished yet! ARGH! How long does it take haha.

Anyway, here it is, vocals were recorded using headphones, not a microphone, that's how poor I am!

http://soundcloud.com/domstone86/fly-away

Verse 1

One day I wanted to fly,
On the wing of a Buzzard in the sky,
To let the heavens come.
On that day, I'd sail the crested seas,
Brush by me fresh as the winter breeze,
But those feelings were never done.



Chorus

Who do you think you are,
Twinkling like a shining star,
Mesmorising as you can be,
You never tried to see.
Who do you think you are,
What do you think you'll be,
In your mind you lost sight,
And off your path I'll flee.
So I'm trying to get over you.



Verse 2

One day I wanted to see the stars,
Where heaven left her door ajar,
Let the brightness come to me.
On that night, they never lit my way,
But showed me a darkness to end the day,
And the wisdom was never free.



Chorus 2

Who do you think you are,
Twinkling like a shining star,
Mesmorising as you can be,
You never tried to see.
Who do you think you are,
What do you think you'll be,
In your mind you lost sight,
And off your path I'll flee.
So I'm trying to get over you.
So I'm going to get over you.

[estreet]

I like it. Nice melody, catchy.... nice piano and vocal. I'm surprised singing into headphones worked that well -I'm sure it didn't when I tried it years ago.

Criticisms: I felt it really needed an instrumental section or solo that took it somewhere else and put a break in the vocal after a couple of minutes or so - then it could come back to that 'who do you think you are' refrain more powerfully, because at the moment it's a little relentless on the same themes and sounds. I also found myself waiting for it to develop into a 'proper' drumbeat.

Good song - has 'anthemic' qualities that could be bought out a bit more in the arrangement.

[cheff daniel]

good song domstone86. agree with estreet it needs a little middle eight or something before the second chorus. over all for my taste its a little too smooth with the strings following the chords etc. but melody wise its great.


gr.   Dan

[Schavuitje]

Hiya

Very nice anthemic number this. I will echo what estreet and Chef said though. It definately needs a break.

It either needs to get very minimal and quiet in the instrumental section (that it needs) and then explode into the refrain OR

Make the instrumental bit massive and take it back down as you enter into the refrain. I think either could work.

Good luck. Nice song

[domstone86]

Thanks a lot guys I was thinking about an instrumental actually. My main concern was making the song too long though. I'm getting lots of advice for this track from different people, don't know if that's because it's worse, or people are taking it more seriously lol. Will upload edited version by tonight hopefully

Estreet, my headphones are designed for use as monitors, and the drivers are pretty big, so I guess what goes in should sound fairly similar to what comes out, minus technical restrictions. I was pleasently surprised, as I was previously using a very cheap mic £3 that I broke, and it came in handy at a good time!

[Paul]

A fine melody.  There's scope to make this build with the right approach with your production.  I don't think it's crying out for a new section, just a different approach in the production that will really give it that anthemic quality.  It's good to get a few pointers about the way that production can enhance a song but I would say that this is a beautifully written melody regardless.  This is a song to be proud of.  I think that you've done. a great job!

Paul

[domstone86]

Thanks Paul Means a lot. People are actually saying really nice things about this, so I'm a bit chuffed haha.

I've toned down the song in every part except for the last chorus, while cleaning the mix up. I DID add an instrumental, but it's nothing over the top, it's a toned down first half of chorus with some guitar. Anyway, hope this one is better

http://soundcloud.com/domstone86/fly-away

[James Nighthawk]

A fine melody.  There's scope to make this build with the right approach with your production.  I don't think it's crying out for a new section, just a different approach in the production that will really give it that anthemic quality.  It's good to get a few pointers about the way that production can enhance a song but I would say that this is a beautifully written melody regardless.  This is a song to be proud of.  I think that you've done. a great job!

Paul

I agree quite a lot with Paul Here

But I would almost consider taking it one step further.

Have you considered trying a more electro/chillout vibe?? The vocals have a autotune/vocoder effect unless I am very mistaken... (the headphone as mic could possible be throwing me off here!). As such, dropping some of the instruments and replacing with warm synth sounds, and making the drum beat more electronic and effected could aim the song towards something like "Zero7", "Air", "Royksopp" etc. This would change the entire aesthetic of the song, but I think it would really work, and bring the best parts of the song forward.

Granted, its a paradigm shift! And of course, you should only take your music in directions you like/would want to. Just my two cents

[domstone86]

Thanks for the tips James. There are a few glitches in the vocal recording, so it could be that. The backing vocals are autotuned a fair bit, and the lead vocals only a little bit to remove the shakiness. I know I'm a cheat, don't tell the world! It's all in the name of a decent production, though I might have to lessen it if it's that noticable!

I'll think about changing the drum sounds, though I think as it stands, the type of mix it is (Obviously it can be improved a lot), it just fits the music more I think than something more electronic sounding. I might have an experiment though see what happens, I guess the most electronic I'd get would be something like Coldplays recent stuff.

[James Nighthawk]

Auto-tuning never gets past my ears!

Auto0tuning as an effect can be cool. As a correction aid I find it to be odd at best, irritating at worst!

On your song here, it sounded like an effect, so I did not mind it at all

(Side note: It is amazing that 99.9% of the population cannot hear auto tuners set on low. Producers get away with far too much, and have turned singing into an optional endeavour with some pop artists. GRRR!!. Rant over!!!)

My suggestion was a seismic shift, nearly a remix scenario. I just feel that without the luxury of a real band, the song suffers on the production side. With a real drummer and a couple of guitarists you could really have something here. The middle ground of programmed drums and keys just doesn't work for me with this style of music. I hope you can see where I am coming from and take it as is intended !!! 

Please note. The SONG is good, I am just playing producer here

[domstone86]

Nah love the advice! If you mean the piano sound though, I think that's fine!

I do have a person I pay to drum for me sometimes, so I'll have a think about that, but I'm REALLY picky at how I want things, but I guess she could use the drums here as an idea. My mate told me the drums weren't too fitting either so it's something I'll consider.

With guitars, I really need one haha. I've been REALLY low on money recently, but I might just go an buy one along with a mic when my backdate comes. Get all the issues out of this mix lol.

When recording vocals, I tried to make it so it sounded good without autotune, because pitch shifting always messes with the sound, though I do use it as an effect too at times, but never really obvious. Just seems to be a standard thing I do now. But I retook the voclas so much, that I couldn't have sung out of tune if I tried, I tried to sing a different note at one point, but I ended up singing a different note, perfectly in key and stable, tis wierd... Just find it difficult getting a good sound out of my voice lol.

[James Nighthawk]

The piano sits great, and is fundamental to the song. It would work in a rock vibe, or an electronica vibe. So keep it as it is.

My producer ears are very harsh on programmed drums "trying" to be real drums. There is a reason that with commercial releases, we don't hear this.

Programmed pop/dance/R&B drums. Great. If it should be real drums, have real drums. Although, I must note, the relative expenses between the two options is, of course, the reason it is still a luxury - And it also keeps my studio in work !!! Ha!!

RE the autotuner; if the notes are right anyway, turn it off! Leave the subtle bends into notes. Therein lies the character of your voice!! Don't kill it!! 

TO CLARIFY.... these are production notes only, the song is good stuff!
(I am on my first day here, I don't want to sound like a c#ck!)

 

[Schavuitje]

hehehe C*ck  

Great advice there from James mate. Absolutely right about the drums. But sometimes, just to get across how it SHOULD

sound and when you haven't got the money or means to have real drums, sadly we are left with things like ezdrummer

And of course you are right James. You're never going to get it right now matter how hard you try with fake drums in this genre.

I agree with James about the vocals too. The character that is you will get erased by auto-tune. Can you inagine listening to someone

like Joe Jackson with autotune? It would destroy the unique-ness of his strange but wonderful vocals.

Andy partridge from XTC is another wierd and yet great vocalist. Their voices and personality would be totally lost.

Should only be used as an effect i.m.o also.

And again mate. Like was said already. That's taking nothing away from the song  

I think you need to be a bit less shy about your vocals and go for it!

[James Nighthawk]

@Schavuitje  Glad my self censorship amused!

Yup... Programmed drums are a necessary evil. Use them as a compositional aid. But if you have the time and money, and access to a good drummer, don't think twice. You will cherish the result forever 

On which note, do use a real studio. And listen to the producers prior work. Drums are difficult to get right, and very varying in quality I find production wise. It is your money, spend it wisely!

And keep vocals real!!! Pop music in the charts is full of robots.

I hear Rhinnana "sang" live tonight at the Brits. I have a friend in radio who was present in person. Apparently Tables around him were covering their ears throughout her song... dogs howling in the distance! LOL.

[cheff daniel]

this is so much better. good work.


gr.  Dan