Looking for feedback for this song I wrote (it's my first song please be nice)

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Foxinpurple

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« on: July 05, 2024, 10:37:24 PM »
Hi everyone, so I wanted to write a song for my boyfriend for our upcoming anniversary and I was looking for some feedback, positive and negative. It's kind of hard for me to write a love song because it's supposed to be romantic but not too cheesy and it's pretty difficult for me to find a middle ground here. On one hand I want it to sound all lovey and romantic like Kiss Me by Sexpence None the Richer, but at the same time I want it to go deeper than that. I just can't help but cringe at everything I write, so love songs are definitely not the best kind of song for me to write, but I really want to write a song for him. So any criticism, praise or overall advice is appreciated!! :)

So here's the song:
[Verse 1]
If I lit a candle
For every time I thought goddamn
I can't believe that boy is mine
I'd have enough to make the earth look like the night sky in july

[Prechorus]
Cause you know I will love you true
Till my lips turn cold and blue
And even then, yeah even then, my beatless heart will yearn for you
Cause

[Chorus]
We don't need no patches and we don't need no threads
Cause our hearts stay sown together
Even when the world ends
(When the world ends,
Even when the world ends)
And we don't need no matches and we don't need no gas
Cause our hearts will burn forever even when the world ends
(When the world ends,
Even when the world ends)

[Verse 2]
I'm so tired
But I refuse to close my eyes can't risk to lose you in the night
I'd pick you over any dream, you're one come true, you've come alive

[Prechorus]
You know I'll forever hold you
Till I take my last breath
And even then, yeah even then, my airless lungs will scream for you
Cause

[Chorus]
We don't need no patches and we don't need no threads
Cause our hearts stay sown together
Even when the world ends
(When the world ends,
Even when the world ends)
And we don't need no matches and we don't need no gas
Cause our hearts will burn forever even when the world ends
(When the world ends,
Even when the world ends)

[Bridge]
You feel me
And you read me
There's no one else who can feel me
Like that
There's no one else who can make me feel like that

You know I'll be yours forever
Even if the diamond shatters
Our spirits - eternally tethered
You're my infinity

[Chorus]
We don't need no patches and we don't need no threads
Cause our hearts stay sown together
Even when the world ends
(When the world ends,
Even when the world ends)
And we don't need no matches and we don't need no gas
Cause our hearts will burn forever even when the world ends
(When the world ends,
Even when the world ends)

I'm especially unhappy with the second verse and prechorus, so if you've got any ideas for improvement, let me know!! Also, I feel like many songs, especially love songs, really rely on melody and sound that ties it together and makes the song good, no need for a lyrical masterpiece. Though my boyfriend is very passionate about music and especially lyrics. His favorite musician is Bruce Springsteen, so the bar is kind of high. I'm aware that this is nowhere near Springsteen-quality, I just think it's worth mentioning what kind of lyrics he's used to (I'm very scared to embarrass myself, lol). He does like BonJovi though, so I might still stand a chance, as his love song lyrics usually tend to be on the cheesier side (in a good way, imo).