You lied
My first day at that school,
My mumma beaming with pride,
Walking into the playground,
Which identity would be mine?
I still don’t remember who said hello to who,
But something went wrong,
Something went wrong.
As an adult I can understand,
It was never my fault,
But still I lie awake at night,
Reliving each assault,
I will never forgive you,
It’s a wound that needs no salt.
I remember each word,
I remember each punch,
And having to hide in the bathroom at lunch,
I remember the teachers had tried,
My parents had cried,
I wonder if you even remember you lied?
You held me under water,
Til my chubby arms went weak,
You kicked me in the stomach,
Til the tears rolled down my cheek,
You told the teachers you would never,
But you’d keep an eye on me,
Something went wrong.
You made fun of my sexuality,
I never understood,
You forced yourself upon me,
Maybe just to prove you could,
I still replay every moment,
Like you knew I always would.
I remember each press,
I remember each hold,
I remember crying in the bathroom at lunch,
The teachers never knew,
My parents had no clue,
I wonder if you even remember you lied?
I thought once I got away, the pain would fade,
But soon I found out it was here to stay,
Once I was loud, I was brave and outspoken,
I'd become cautious, and quiet, and withdrawn,
But I believe I am a wonderful and deserving person,
I will never again allow you to make me fearful,
I am finally re-finding my voice and,
I need no one to allow me to sing this.
I forgive every word.
I forgive each punch.
I will no longer be haunted by the memories at night.
So what if my parents find out?
You don't have any clout.
I don’t have to convince them, cause you lied.
