promises turning black

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rightly

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« on: February 06, 2024, 03:02:30 PM »
Hi all
I’m writing this together with a friend.

All I’ve left to do is record and produce it now (aka: the work)
______

promises turning black
     (Words n' Music: Brian Burgess, Rightly)

verse 1  Am.                      F. 
  I am not in your tree and you're not in mine
        Am.                                 F. 
only the stable will not snap, the strong survive
     Am.                               F. 
cutting all my scenes like a curious child
            . E
   with a razor blade
 chorus       Am.       F.        E.                 Am
                promises that I made slowly turning black
                 Am.                  F.                   E.                Am
                 promises that I made forever slowly turning black
verse 2 Am.
  when I showed the secret to you
                F
about how to rule the world
          E.                       F.                         E
you had to take it all and leave me looking back
           Dm7.                     E. 
  and looking back is nothing new
 chorus.   Am.           F.        E.                 Am
                promises that I made slowly turning black
                 Am.                  F.                 E.                 Am
                 promises that I made forever slowly turning black

   solo                           🎶🎵

verse 3 Am.                                           F. 
  I'm not in your tree but I like the view
     Am.                                                  F. 
high above it all and yet I’m still below you
     Am.                                                 F. 
waiting for rain and the sun to shine
                                 E
   like a precious jewel
chorus.   Am.                           F.        E.                       Am
                promises that I made slowly turning black
                 Am.                        F.                      E.                           Am
                 promises that I made forever slowly turning black
verse 4 Am
  I cannot put the words together
          F
and fail each time I try
                  E.                       F.                          E
I made an effort, there is no doubting that
                  Dm7.                                      E
  so many questions you need not ask
chorus.   Am.                           F.        E.                       Am
                promises that I made slowly turning black
                 Am.                        F.                      E.                           Am
                 promises that I made forever slowly turning black
end          F             Em.        Am
             promises turning black
It's either this or that, then again it might be the other. 

I can promise you a future of slow decline.

Don't eat the yellow snow

And there you have it. 

https://soundcloud.com/2rightly

https://soundcloud.com/rightly

rightly

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« Reply #1 on: February 07, 2024, 09:14:03 AM »
Promises Turning Black


I am not in your tree and you're not in mine
only the stable will not snap, the strong survive
cutting all my seams like a curious child
  with a razor blade
    promises that I made slowly turning black
promises that I made forever slowly turning black

when I showed the secret to you
about how to rule the world
you had to take it all and leave me looking back
  and looking back is nothing new
    promises that I made slowly turning black
promises that I made forever slowly turning black

I'm not in your tree but I like the view
high above it all and yet I'm still below you
waiting for the rain and the sun to shine
   like a precious jewel
    promises that I made slowly turning black
promises that I made forever slowly turning black

I cannot put the words together
and fail each time I try
I made an effort, there is no doubting that
   so many questions you need not ask
    promises that I made slowly turning black
promises that I made forever slowly turning black
                    promises turning black
It's either this or that, then again it might be the other. 

I can promise you a future of slow decline.

Don't eat the yellow snow

And there you have it. 

https://soundcloud.com/2rightly

https://soundcloud.com/rightly

Nick Ryder

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« Reply #2 on: February 07, 2024, 09:52:04 AM »
Good morning, @rightly

It's impossible for me to comment on this without hearing the music and it being sung. Sorry. The lyrics seem interesting but without the musical context, I'm just not wired up to know whether it works as a song.

I look forward to hearing it once its recorded.

rightly

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« Reply #3 on: February 07, 2024, 03:33:51 PM »
Good morning, @rightly

It's impossible for me to comment on this without hearing the music and it being sung. Sorry. The lyrics seem interesting but without the musical context, I'm just not wired up to know whether it works as a song.

I look forward to hearing it once its recorded.

Yes, I understand your point
I've similar issues with lyrics only
It's either this or that, then again it might be the other. 

I can promise you a future of slow decline.

Don't eat the yellow snow

And there you have it. 

https://soundcloud.com/2rightly

https://soundcloud.com/rightly

Theresa

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« Reply #4 on: February 07, 2024, 04:00:34 PM »
I like it. It paints good literal imagery while still having a strong meaning and a storyline progression.

rightly

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« Reply #5 on: February 08, 2024, 12:46:59 PM »
I like it. It paints good literal imagery while still having a strong meaning and a storyline progression.

I'm not sure if the refrain is repeated to often
There's musical and llyrical diversity in the verses.
In the middle of the song will come a solo.
 I don't usually cate for solos but they do perform a function.
Presently, I'm OK with the repetitive chorus.
It'll work as a singalong.
In context, on an album, it might work.
It's either this or that, then again it might be the other. 

I can promise you a future of slow decline.

Don't eat the yellow snow

And there you have it. 

https://soundcloud.com/2rightly

https://soundcloud.com/rightly

Theresa

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« Reply #6 on: February 08, 2024, 07:43:29 PM »
Quote
I'm not sure if the refrain is repeated to often

Hm true, it is a valid concern, but reading as it is I don't think it does, but in the end I guess it will depend on how you compose it, how long it will take for you to arive on it again and again and if that time is too short.

If you are really worried about it you could repeat it with very small variations the four or two times.

rightly

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« Reply #7 on: February 09, 2024, 11:44:48 AM »
Quote
I'm not sure if the refrain is repeated to often

Hm true, it is a valid concern, but reading as it is I don't think it does, but in the end I guess it will depend on how you compose it, how long it will take for you to arive on it again and again and if that time is too short.

If you are really worried about it you could repeat it with very small variations the four or two times.

Yes. I'll see how it pans out while producing.

The last 2 songs I produced
I got some edgy criticism for one because it has a chorus
The other didn't have one and i got the edgy stuff for that.

For this one I'm sort of relying on coming to a decision during production.
I dare say I'm pushing myself with this one.
Failure can be upsetting 😡 😆

Like an open mic. 2 nights ago, actually.
The amateur sound engineer
Flirting with pretty people, while soundchecking me during my performance.
If I wasn't sedated at the time it'd have been a regular crucifixion.
It's either this or that, then again it might be the other. 

I can promise you a future of slow decline.

Don't eat the yellow snow

And there you have it. 

https://soundcloud.com/2rightly

https://soundcloud.com/rightly

rightly

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« Reply #8 on: February 18, 2024, 10:49:39 AM »
Some editing.
It’s coming along

       promises turning black

    _____________________
     (Words n' Music: Brian Burgess & Rightly
              Production: Rightly)

  I am not in your tree and you're not in mine
only the stable will not snap, the strong survive
cutting all my scenes like a curious child
   with a razor blade
                promises that I made slowly turning black
                 promises that I made forever slowly turning black
  when I showed the secret to you
about how to rule the world
you had to take it all and leave me looking back
  and looking back is nothing new
                promises that I made, you made them too
                     promises turning black and blue
                                 🎶🎵
  I'm not in your tree but I like the view
high above it all and yet I’m still below you
waiting for rain to come, the sun to shine
   like a precious jewel
                promises that I made slowly turning black
                  promises that I made forever slowly turning black
  how to put the words together
I fail each time I try
I make an effort, there is no doubting that
  so many questions you need not ask
                promises that I made, you made them too
                     promises turning black and blue

                          promises turning black
It's either this or that, then again it might be the other. 

I can promise you a future of slow decline.

Don't eat the yellow snow

And there you have it. 

https://soundcloud.com/2rightly

https://soundcloud.com/rightly

rightly

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« Reply #9 on: March 16, 2024, 12:52:47 PM »
Ah i got this one done.
It's either this or that, then again it might be the other. 

I can promise you a future of slow decline.

Don't eat the yellow snow

And there you have it. 

https://soundcloud.com/2rightly

https://soundcloud.com/rightly

DanTylerMusic

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« Reply #10 on: March 27, 2024, 08:44:03 PM »
ok,

it doesn't make sense, i ask it a lot to writers what's the story your telling?

talk of trees the babies with razorblades, and the chorus is way too short.

for me this is a poem not a song lyric

rightly

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« Reply #11 on: March 30, 2024, 11:55:43 AM »
ok,

it doesn't make sense, i ask it a lot to writers what's the story your telling?

talk of trees the babies with razorblades, and the chorus is way too short.

for me this is a poem not a song lyric
And I guess you've no time for poetry. 😆
Are you an imaginative type person? Just wondering.

Thanks for the feedback, buddy! 😆
It's either this or that, then again it might be the other. 

I can promise you a future of slow decline.

Don't eat the yellow snow

And there you have it. 

https://soundcloud.com/2rightly

https://soundcloud.com/rightly