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Cavaleiro

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Theresa:
Heya, it is me again.

Sorry to bother, but I am making another song, and I would be glad to hear some opnions on it, specially on the melody - sang melody is hard, my brain just seems to not connect it like it does in the MIDI haha

Anyway, I think I improved the acoustic guitar element, but I am a bit if over the sung melody department.

Do you guys feel like some of it is too generic? Maybe some parts don't fit in the whole song.

I do be glad to just hear back a general feel of how the melodicity of it feels to listeners so I can try and improve it before I finish the rest of the song

And again, sorry for the bad singing, I am hoping to start taking classes soon ^^7

https://soundcloud.com/theresa-770475349/cavaleiro

Here are the lyrics:
V1
Caminhando de pernas quebradas
na estrada mais complicada
Esperando que deus
retorne o que era meu

V2
Falando com frases quebradas
duma mente fracionada
O coração ainda sangra
neste corpo que esqueceu de morrer

CH1
E tudo que aconteceu
deve ter algum motivo
Só não sofri o suficiente
para ser ouvido

Um cavaleiro
mantido inteiro
pela armadura
que o segura

Um cavaleiro
mantido inteiro
pela angustia
que o segura

And here is the translation:

V1
Walking with broken legs
on the most complicated path
Hoping that god
returns what was mine

V2
Speaking with broken sentences
of a fractioned mind
The heart still bleeds
in this corpse that forgot to die

CH1
And everything that happened
must have some reason
(I) just haven't suffered enough
to be heard

A knight
kept together
by the armor
that holds them

A knight
kept together
by anguish
that holds them

pompeyjazz:
Lovely stuff @Theresa I love the tone of your voice and admire the passion that you put into the delivery of your vocals. It’s a lovely song and great to hear another one from you

CorkingCrackBand:
Hi @Theresa .

   Nice to meet you. I heard this earlier and really liked it. It's cool that your getting vocal lessons - I agree with @pompeyjazz that your voice has a lovely tone and with a some confidence and building it up I'm certain you will be a really fantastic singer. You already have so much quality showing through, it's just a question of honing it.
   Musically, I really enjoyed the melodic simplicity and the honesty of the song. Were you thinking of building up the arrangement or are you seeing the song as a classic 'guitar + singer' song? Either way, it's really lovely with a good flow. As someone who is starting out you are already showing clear talent and it will be great to see you go from strength to strength as I'm sure you will.

All the best,

CCB

Whiskey Club:
It is beautiful Theresa.  There’s nothing generic here and certainly no “bad singing”.  Your voice has a wonderful plaintive quality in this performance that is quite touching.  I am interested to see where you take this but I’d try not to lose the feeling that it has right now of being a live performance.  If you keep it just as acoustic guitar I’d like to hear the third note of each grouping be allowed to ring out rather than being stopped.

 The vocal lesson thing is interesting.  I’ve never had any kind of music lesson in my life until this month when I had two vocal lessons.  For me the experience has been extraordinary.  My teacher has the ability to hear tiny deviations in tuning and I am now practicing ear-training every day.  I’ve understood that my inability to hear what I am actually singing through my ears, not in my mind, is the root of my problems.

Now in your case, your vocal ability is at such a higher level than mine to begin with.  I’d be fascinated to hear what a vocal teacher does with it.  You don’t need to be a better singer imho but I hope you have found good teacher because the process can be a rewarding experience.  Good luck with it.

Cheers - John.

CaliaMoko:
Very pretty. I think your melody is fine and I like your guitar accompaniment. I have an idea or recommendation for you. Consider making your two verses parallel to each other--that is, use the same rhythm and melody for both of them. Then use the "lift" for the chorus. You have a very nice lift in the second verse. I recommend moving that lift to the chorus.

I think you have a lovely song and I look forward to hearing it progress as you work on it and seeing it on the "finished songs" board.

Vicki

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