[Theresa]

Heya, it is me again.

Sorry to bother, but I am making another song, and I would be glad to hear some opnions on it, specially on the melody - sang melody is hard, my brain just seems to not connect it like it does in the MIDI haha

Anyway, I think I improved the acoustic guitar element, but I am a bit if over the sung melody department.

Do you guys feel like some of it is too generic? Maybe some parts don't fit in the whole song.

I do be glad to just hear back a general feel of how the melodicity of it feels to listeners so I can try and improve it before I finish the rest of the song

And again, sorry for the bad singing, I am hoping to start taking classes soon ^^7

https://soundcloud.com/theresa-770475349/cavaleiro

Here are the lyrics:
V1
Caminhando de pernas quebradas
na estrada mais complicada
Esperando que deus
retorne o que era meu

V2
Falando com frases quebradas
duma mente fracionada
O coração ainda sangra
neste corpo que esqueceu de morrer

CH1
E tudo que aconteceu
deve ter algum motivo
Só não sofri o suficiente
para ser ouvido

Um cavaleiro
mantido inteiro
pela armadura
que o segura

Um cavaleiro
mantido inteiro
pela angustia
que o segura

And here is the translation:

V1
Walking with broken legs
on the most complicated path
Hoping that god
returns what was mine

V2
Speaking with broken sentences
of a fractioned mind
The heart still bleeds
in this corpse that forgot to die

CH1
And everything that happened
must have some reason
(I) just haven't suffered enough
to be heard

A knight
kept together
by the armor
that holds them

A knight
kept together
by anguish
that holds them

[pompeyjazz]

Lovely stuff @Theresa I love the tone of your voice and admire the passion that you put into the delivery of your vocals. It’s a lovely song and great to hear another one from you

[CorkingCrackBand]

Hi @Theresa .

   Nice to meet you. I heard this earlier and really liked it. It's cool that your getting vocal lessons - I agree with @pompeyjazz that your voice has a lovely tone and with a some confidence and building it up I'm certain you will be a really fantastic singer. You already have so much quality showing through, it's just a question of honing it.
   Musically, I really enjoyed the melodic simplicity and the honesty of the song. Were you thinking of building up the arrangement or are you seeing the song as a classic 'guitar + singer' song? Either way, it's really lovely with a good flow. As someone who is starting out you are already showing clear talent and it will be great to see you go from strength to strength as I'm sure you will.

All the best,

CCB

[Whiskey Club]

It is beautiful Theresa.  There’s nothing generic here and certainly no “bad singing”.  Your voice has a wonderful plaintive quality in this performance that is quite touching.  I am interested to see where you take this but I’d try not to lose the feeling that it has right now of being a live performance.  If you keep it just as acoustic guitar I’d like to hear the third note of each grouping be allowed to ring out rather than being stopped.

 The vocal lesson thing is interesting.  I’ve never had any kind of music lesson in my life until this month when I had two vocal lessons.  For me the experience has been extraordinary.  My teacher has the ability to hear tiny deviations in tuning and I am now practicing ear-training every day.  I’ve understood that my inability to hear what I am actually singing through my ears, not in my mind, is the root of my problems.

Now in your case, your vocal ability is at such a higher level than mine to begin with.  I’d be fascinated to hear what a vocal teacher does with it.  You don’t need to be a better singer imho but I hope you have found good teacher because the process can be a rewarding experience.  Good luck with it.

Cheers - John.

[CaliaMoko]

Very pretty. I think your melody is fine and I like your guitar accompaniment. I have an idea or recommendation for you. Consider making your two verses parallel to each other--that is, use the same rhythm and melody for both of them. Then use the "lift" for the chorus. You have a very nice lift in the second verse. I recommend moving that lift to the chorus.

I think you have a lovely song and I look forward to hearing it progress as you work on it and seeing it on the "finished songs" board.

Vicki

[Theresa]

@pompeyjazz Thank you, I believe I tend to sound monotone while singing so I am trying my best to put in more emotion, I am glad it is working!

@CorkingCrackBand Hi hi! A pleasure to meet you too! I tried making my last song into something more complex with other instruments, but I realized that it is still too hard for me. So I do love to, someday, but for now I will stick with songs that are just guitar + singer, like this one ^^ I do have an electric guitar as well so maybe I will use it in the future. I am glad ya enjoyed it and thanks for the wishes

@Whiskey Club Thank you! I am glad you enjoyed it. And thank you for the tips, I will keep it in mind and try it out. And thank you for the comments on my voice, I really really appreciate it ^^ I am glad to hear you are having a good experience with a vocal teacher, a good teacher is always life changing, I wish you the best on that one and many other projects!

@CaliaMoko That is a very interesting sugestion! I actually had the song like that at the start, the two verses sounded the same, but then I was worried it sounded too samey and changed the melody of the second one, the lift however is new, wasn't in the chorus, and I will test it out and think better about the verse parallel thing! Thank you a LOT for pointing it out! I am still a bit insecure about posting anything finished, but I will try my best on this one and who knows it might be finally one that is worth it! ( ^^)9

[Wicked Deeds]

Hello Theresa,

An enchanting song.  It would be great to hear a translation though your language is quite beautiful.  This could really fly with the right production.  It has been a welcome listen for me this afternoon.

Paul

[ChrisPrice]

Well, I think this is lovely. Nothing wrong with the singing in my opinion. And the guitar is just right too. A bit of production maybe, but I like this as it is.

[Theresa]

@Wicked Deeds and @ChrisPrice thanks a lot! A few days ago I hadn't delved into production yet, but in the song I am working now - not this one - I started doing so, I will prob come back to this one and try to finish it with the proper production!