[crexes]

Hi - after a quite long break from completing any music (too many ideas) I decided to finish a project. Here is my lastest release "Our secret garden". The song is a love song and my goal is that someone will enjoy listening to it. I am always striving to get better at songwriting so any kind of feedback - good or bad - is very appreciative.


Our secret garden - lyrics

Verse
I see the love in your eyes
I feel the pain that you hide
You make me fragile inside

In your arms I feel strong
Your soul is my song
With you I belong

Bridge
You -  when rains fall, the wind blows, the storm comes and the tear falls,  I’ll be there with you
You - when you wake up, the day goes, the night comes and the love grows - I’ll be there with you

Chorus
I can’t believe every morning I see you
In our garden of love
In our garden of dreams
In our secret garden
I see the roses, blooming out, with me and you, ’til the end

Verse
Like a long distance call
Our love climbs the wall
Against all odds we stand tall

In your heart I got space
A home and a place   
I feel the beat in your veins

Bridge
You -  when rains fall, the wind blows, the storm comes and the tear falls,  I’ll be there with you
You - when you wake up, the day goes, the night comes and the love grows - I’ll be there with you

Chorus
I can’t believe every morning I see you
In our garden of love
In our garden of dreams
In our secret garden
I see the roses, blooming out, with me and you

Forever and ever
In our garden of love
In our garden of dreams
In our secret garden
I see the roses, blooming out, with me and you, ’til the end

[Whiskey Club]

Great song.  Great vocal.  Have followed.  If I could change anything, it would be in the mastering.  To my ears, the low to mid range sounds a bit muddy and I’d prefer a more transparent mix that pulled the vocal and higher frequencies of guitar more forward.  (I’ve listened on three different headphones).  Love the track though, particularly that bridge which has such a cool vibe. 

[crexes]

Thank you @Whiskey Club  so much for these kind words! I agree about the low to mid range isn't as crisp as it should be - but that is a lesson learned 

I also looked into your Whiskey Club initiative - really cool! 

[Elvis Nash]

Love the vocal phrasing of this song
I'm with Whiskey on mastering the track
It could use some dialing in
Very cool song man

[CaliaMoko]

I love this song! I favor positive themes and I am very taken with the strong relationship described in the lyric.

I do have a couple of suggestions. I'd like to see more emphasis on what I assume would be the hook, the title. I'm looking at your chorus and I'm wondering how it would work if you changed the last line a little, maybe something like: I see the roses, blooming out ... in our secret garden.

Placing "in our secret garden" right where you have "till the end". That would shine a spotlight on your hook.

My other suggestion is for your bridge. It has a really nice lift and I think it would be very effective if you saved it until later in the song and just have it once, between the last two choruses. Like:

I can’t believe every morning I see you
In our garden of love
In our garden of dreams
In our secret garden
I see the roses, blooming out in our secret garden

You -  when rain falls, and the wind blows, the storm comes and the tears fall,  I’ll be there with you
You - when you wake up, and the day goes, and the night comes and the love grows, I’ll be there with you

Forever and ever
In our garden of love
In our garden of dreams
In our secret garden
I see the roses, blooming out in our secret garden

I tried to make the bridge the way I heard you singing it, so I changed it a little to match. And I like the way "I'll be there with you" would flow into "Forever and ever".

This is a beautiful song and I'd love to sing it to my boyfriend some day! 

Anyway, those are my suggestions--use them or lose them as suits you. I love it as it is, too. It's a great song.

Vicki

[crexes]

Love the vocal phrasing of this song
I'm with Whiskey on mastering the track
It could use some dialing in
Very cool song man

Thank @Elvis Nash for taking time to listen and giving me feedback! I am very glad you liked it and yes - the mastering could be improved! 

[Elvis Nash]

I don't mess with mixing and all that , I hire master pros
to much of a learning curve , Good luck man

[crexes]

I love this song! I favor positive themes and I am very taken with the strong relationship described in the lyric.

Vicki

Hi Vicki and thank you soo much for analyzing my song in such a great detail!
It makes me so glad that you enjoyed it! 

"I'd like to see more emphasis on what I assume would be the hook, the title."
That is such a great advice. I was thinking about this but decided in the end to have the title in the middle of everything else in order to be a little more subtile. But I agree with you - in the end my goal is to create something that people remember and the hook part could be improved here. I will bring this to my next project 

"My other suggestion is for your bridge. It has a really nice lift and I think it would be very effective if you saved it until later in the song and just have it once, between the last two choruses."
Interesting idea! It is really a strategy on how you build your song My thought was that since the bridge is quite nice - I didn't want to wait too long before it came for the listener. But I understand your point and definitely think it would have been nice to have it between the last choruses as you described.

"This is a beautiful song and I'd love to sing it to my boyfriend some day!  "
I would be deeply honoured!

Thanks again!
Thomas

[Bankie]

Mission accomplished - I really enjoyed it, and looks like others did too. Great instrumentation, and your voice is incredible. I agree with the mastering comments, but it still stands well. I'm hoping you can do more with this style - you only have the one other on SC that compares (Our Flag). IMO, this is at the top end of what we get on the forum. Please do more

[Nick Ryder]

I really enjoyed this. Great production and vocal as others have said. Very well done.

[crexes]

Mission accomplished - I really enjoyed it, and looks like others did too. Great instrumentation, and your voice is incredible. I agree with the mastering comments, but it still stands well. I'm hoping you can do more with this style - you only have the one other on SC that compares (Our Flag). IMO, this is at the top end of what we get on the forum. Please do more

Wow thank you so much for these words - it really means a lot to me!
More will come!

[crexes]

I really enjoyed this. Great production and vocal as others have said. Very well done.

Thank you so much!

[popitup]

Most impressive . . . a grand and upbeat love song, and an excellent arrangement / recording. There are so many subtle things in the rhythm track that make it very interesting to listen to, just such a great feel as it evolves. I also really like your vocals on this one . . . you have a very laid back confident delivery. (never heard your voice before) If I may suggest for the chorus "In our secret garden" line, you could punch that up a bit in the arrangement, maybe singing in a slightly higher register, or another backing part there ?  . . . as is, it just sounds like another line of the chorus, so I think it could stand out more somehow ? . . . that's just my pop music opinion, always searching for the wider appeal for the first time listener . . .

[crexes]

Most impressive . . . a grand and upbeat love song, and an excellent arrangement / recording. There are so many subtle things in the rhythm track that make it very interesting to listen to, just such a great feel as it evolves. I also really like your vocals on this one . . . you have a very laid back confident delivery. (never heard your voice before) If I may suggest for the chorus "In our secret garden" line, you could punch that up a bit in the arrangement, maybe singing in a slightly higher register, or another backing part there ?  . . . as is, it just sounds like another line of the chorus, so I think it could stand out more somehow ? . . . that's just my pop music opinion, always searching for the wider appeal for the first time listener . . .

Hi @popitup - sorry for late reply! Wow thank you so much for these words - it means a lot to me! I understand what you mean regarding the chorus and I have been going back and forth on that one and I will do some more testing there.
Thanks for constructive feedback!

[rightly]

Thoroughly charming joint
A very nice, almost trippy popsong
Great chord structure and perfect lyrics

I can't help but think it'd be better with less guitar
But that's just me.