Love the verses here - you set yourself a real challenge with the rhyme scheme and nailed it with some really original rhymes.
For the chorus, you do know that everyone will hear "rain"... it's fine and with the music possibly only songwriters will care, but is there another way?! I don't know, something with "power", "kingdom", "domain", "regime"... (yeah, I know, syllables...)
Anyhow, I hope you get it finished and we can hear it.
I originally called it "Dance in Her Rain" but then the third verse changed my mind and I was going to call it "Queen" (that's when I changed it to "reign" instead of "rain" - I was trying to be clever). But then I was messing around with a robotic voice which was saying "Illusion" and I ended up changing the title to that instead. But I kept the "reign" instead of "rain" because I just felt it fit more with the lyrics.
I think I'm done with it musically so it's just a case of vocals. Luckily, it should be in my vocal range so you may just get your wish to hear it!
Oh
I really like that
I'm not good at reading lyrics without music, often poetry, too.
Having had too much coffee
I read the lyrics nervously, with my internal radio.
I got a lot out of this, very smart stuff and to the point 👍
I have the same issue reading other people's lyrics. Which is why I'm so reticent to critique them too much. I find a lot of lyrics can look pretty ordinary when you see them on the page. But when you hear them in conjunction with the music they can make a lot more sense or just flow better.
It's like with your punk-type song. I held back in suggesting a possible change to the last chorus that I thought would be nice from a story-telling point-of-view because - not knowing the tune - I had no way to tell if my suggestion would work or not rythmically. Funnily enough you actually made the change I was thinking of (great minds?!!) with the "rich win the war/pricks win the war" lines.
Minor detail, forgive me.
1st Sight or 1st site?
Yes, reading lyrics without music.
M'thinks
song is a performance art
Consider the efforts people go to,
to silently communicate musical ideas,
sometimes by way of sheet music,
it's extremely, horribly abstract.
It's rare that I read poetry or prose, and the written word gets to me as good as it might musically
But I appreciate those rare occasions.
So, we'll go no more a'roving
By byron
Or
Come Away death
By Shakespeare
Spring to mind, but there have been other occasions
Actually read some recent charming lyrics by John lydon the other day, they got to me
Can't remember exactly, but I'll definitely give his new album a listen.
