[adamfarr]

Hey all - I'm still here! This one has a bit of a Disney feel to me... Comments welcome.



V1
Keep the ring of guilt
Keep the presents bought out of obligation
Keep the necklaces of quiet desperation
No more running against the grain, trying to make fire out of rain
Me, I’m starting again


V2
Keep the cabinets
Keep all the chairs that I worked so hard to buy
Keep this sofa where I'm telling you goodbye
No more emotions down the drain, give me rainbows not just rain
Me, I’m starting again


Ch:
But I'm taking back my time
It was never yours to spend
And I'm taking back my life
While there’s still a chance to mend
I can’t stay trapped in memory lane, putting camouflage on pain
Me, I’m starting again


M8
I'm gonna stamp on the eggshells, and dance on the volcano
I’m throwing off the shackles, and caution out the window
No more hedging my bets, no more watching my step
And though it may be hard
Again, I'll start


CH
Final CH

[PaulyX]

Hi Adam.  This reads great!  Some super lines like the one about the sofa and 'time being never yours to spend'.  The M8 has some really clever lines too (stamp on the eggshells in particular!) but if you want suggestions at this stage, I wonder if it gets a bit too 'mixed metaphor-y' (find an adjective for that!)... possibly too many turns of phrase colliding with each other there?  Other than that section to me this has the hallmarks of a great set of lyrics... look forward to hearing it. Not getting the Disney vibe by the way but I don't watch a lot of Disney... do they make cartoons about break ups?

[pompeyjazz]

Great to see you back @adamfarr You are such a clever, considerate writer. Some wonderful lines, The necklaces of quiet desperation is a stand out line for me. No Disney vibe here too but when I think of Disney it’s Bambi and Snow White, not really up with the current output ! Looking forward to hearing some music to this one for sure 😀

[CorkingCrackBand]

Hi @adamfarr

   Great to hear/see/read you back again. I agree with the prior comments - this is a really well judged lyric and balances metaphor and relatability really well. I genuinely can't think of any nits/improvements but then I'm not much of a lyricist. Reads great to me. Put me down as non-plussed by the Disney comparison too - it seems much too layered and mature for Disney to me. Not that there aren't any Disney songs with good lyrics.

CCB

[adamfarr]

Thanks guys! I guess my "Disney" thought related really to it being 1) "uplifting" and 2) full of metaphors. I actually had some simpler ones in there but kept hunting for more interesting ones...

It's true that you don't actually ever see Cinderella walking out on the (controlling) Prince. But I may go for a big ballad anyway.

Cheers and watch this space...

[Wicked Deeds]

Hi Adam,

It's always a pleasure to read your lyrics.  You have such a unique writing voice.  The highlights here for me are "Keep the sofa where I'm telling you goodbye" and "no more hedging my bets, no more watching my step". You paint an unambiguous scene and I believe that you could paint an equally thought provoking musical landscape.

Cool work

Paul