konalavadome

Chained Heart.

  • 3 Replies
  • 931 Views

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

NotNoelGallagher

  • *
  • Busker
  • *
  • Posts: 4
« on: May 23, 2022, 05:48:17 PM »
Hiya. Im new to the forum. hoping to find other songwriters whose work I enjoy as Id like to get better at songwriting :)

This song Is literaly first draft so Maybe I should re-work before sharing but meh, i have to go to my brothers now and feel like sharing it anyway :p

would love to "meet" some of you!

----

My soul is aching
From the chains that i'm placing
Around my Heart

Your head is what figures out
how to get what the heart wants
and when you can't get what you really want
it'll work out how to get a around

My soul is aching
from the chains that they're placing
around my heart

Give me back the dream
but this time make it me
i always had love and all along
hidden below, beneath the storm
my heart lied and told me all my thoughts,
were where i belonged

My soul is aching
~From the chains thoughts are placing
around my heart

it wont be long
Till the storm is gone
-abrupt end-

PaulyX

  • *
  • Stadium Tour
  • *****
  • Posts: 1796
« Reply #1 on: May 23, 2022, 06:31:37 PM »
Hi, welcome to the forum, hope you like it here.  I read both your posts - I like this one a lot more.  The other one felt a bit random, I couldn't work out what message or point you were aiming for, but this one hangs together well.  There's good (but not too much) repetition which could be hooky with a melody behind it, and the line about your head figuring out how to get what the heart wants is a neat one... feels fresh.  It feels like it's all about 'head vs heart' although in some places the two are allies, and in some places they are enemies... at least that's how I read it.  That's my thoughts on the lyric anyway - hope you can take it further.

It's all too beautiful.

NotNoelGallagher

  • *
  • Busker
  • *
  • Posts: 4
« Reply #2 on: May 23, 2022, 06:53:13 PM »
Hi, welcome to the forum, hope you like it here.  I read both your posts - I like this one a lot more.  The other one felt a bit random, I couldn't work out what message or point you were aiming for, but this one hangs together well.  There's good (but not too much) repetition which could be hooky with a melody behind it, and the line about your head figuring out how to get what the heart wants is a neat one... feels fresh.  It feels like it's all about 'head vs heart' although in some places the two are allies, and in some places they are enemies... at least that's how I read it.  That's my thoughts on the lyric anyway - hope you can take it further.

Hi PaulyX :).

You got the "meaning" perfectly. It's me trying to figure out how to get my heart/head working in balance ><

thanks so much for welcoming me. I'm sure i'll see you around

LoJo538

  • *
  • Busker
  • *
  • Posts: 8
« Reply #3 on: October 13, 2022, 05:22:54 AM »
Looks like you have the theme worked out. Assuming you're done with "story", next step is structure. I suggest using a beat and speaking the words until you can establish a rhythm or pattern that feels right. (Seems like you've already established the Chorus with the part that says "My soul is aching"... Good.)

Shape the other sections (known as a "verse")  to fit a pattern to your beat. If a word or phrase does not fit, replace it with something that does or remove it entirely. However, the replacement must retain the same meaning. Yeah, that's the tricky part.

Do this and the music will probably be easier. Now you're on your way to making a song.