[StevieJ]

Hi, I am new here and was just looking for some feedback on this song I made or any suggestions how to make it better etc.

I wrote this song as I felt inspired after hearing the news clip sampled at the beginning. I myself was addicted to gambling for 20 years so I am very passionate about the subject and would love to be able to help any listeners with the same problem.
I am looking for both musical and lyrical feedback as I feel like this is close to being finished but it's hard to say without anyone's opinion or advice. Thank you in advance.

https://soundcloud.com/user-586564289/stevie-itll-come-to-an-end-m4a?si=2921377307294f9bb8672db263dd4b65

It'll Come To An End - Contains some strong language

Lyrics

bigger the stake
bigger the win
when it comes in
bigger the grin
when it doesn't
reality & frustration kicks in
going home to ya husband or wife
no food on the table
but ya feedin them lies
look them dead in the eyes
as you try to explain why there's no money
treating everyone you love like a dummy
all the while you got a sick feeling in ya tummy
cos you just got paid
but you damn near lost it all
said you were visiting ya gran in hospital
but she hasn't seen you for days
you can't get out of ya ways
lying about where you've been
it's like your trapped in a maze
re-tracing ya steps
making sure you don't slip up
cos when you get caught out
that's when this shits fucked
see there's no signs that comes with this addiction
no visible flaws, no nail biting, no itching
but in ya mind you can't wait for another fix and
you plot in ya head the next excuse
to cut loose, spend some time on ya own
it's pure money abuse
what's funny is that none of them knew
you become so good at lying
you didn't even know if it's true
differentiate facts & fiction
fact is ya broke from the addiction
never met a rich gambler
there probably ain't many
scrap that, there probably ain't any
cos when I was at my worst
I didn't have a penny
struggling to pay rent
struggling to pay bills
struggling to vent
struggling to say how it feels
cos if you know then you know
nothing else matters when ya caught in the zone
not thinking of loved ones
and supporting ya home
too busy trying to borrow money
cos you need some to blow
these are the facts
cos if you know then you know
nothing else matters when ya caught in the zone
time goes by the debts pile up
searching for help lines to dial up
but by then it's too late
the damage has been done
you've already sealed ya fate
partners left you, couldn't take anymore
for sale sign stuck up outside ya door
kids don't wanna know you
days away from losing ya job
back of ya mind tryin a find someone to rob
cos it's all got to much and you can't take it
need to hard or go home when you stake it
you mistake this as an opportunity change ya life
if you just win big it'll make it all right
but ya wrong
it's the whole reason for this song
there's no quick fix to it it's a long
road you'll be facing but I promise when you get to the end
it's all worth it
just accept that no ones wants you to be perfect
just get the help you need and support of ya friends
build up some trust make bridges again
be open about your problem
and I promise, it'll come to an end

[pompeyjazz]

Hi @StevieJ and welcome to the forum - Good subject to write about and powerful lyrics. Like the song, maybe I would look at a bit of variation in the chord sequences (are you using loops), that way you could develop a hooky chorus section. Only other thing to note was I thought that the beat box thingy was maybe a little bit out of time but that might just be my cloth ears 

Good work man 

[ChrisPrice]

This is absolutely brilliant. Musically not my style at all, but it addresses something really important and tells it how it is. This really moved me. I have an addictive personality..gambling never got the better of me but one or two other vices damn nearly did and so I can relate to this in every way. This kind of honesty is what we need. Well done. I really appreciate this track.

[5 guys named Lars]

This is quite splendid @StevieJ ..marvellous words on a topic that`s passionate & authentic. The piano loop is top notch, is it a sample? Lots of fabulous lines & well recorded. To be a finicky twat (which I`m good at)  it sounds like the beat maybe goes out of synch once or twice? & I agree with the Pompey one that it would be good with a chorus line built round the piano lick that builds up to a crescendo end (though maybe chorus`s are out now, I don`t know, I`m an old git ) . Whichever way you`ve done the hard work & created something really great. Well done sir. 

[StevieJ]

@pompeyjazz  @ChrisPrice @5 guys named Lars thank you for your kind words, I know it's not everyones cup of tea so pleased you enjoyed it. Thanks for pointing out the beat was off too, sometimes you dont notice these things until someone says. Hopefully I've resolved that issue now. thank again, Stevie

[adamfarr]

Yes, this is awesome. Love the lyrics and delivery, especially some of the mixed up and internal rhymes (pile up, dial up, "make it... when you stake it, you mistake this as an opportunity change ya life"). It brings over the message without feeling forced at all.

I'd also love a chorus - you need Alicia Keys to come in and sing "New York..." LOL. Or maybe a sample (Townes van Zandt?!) or pick a favorite line...

Anyhow, this is so good and I hope to hear more from you.

[cowparsleyman]

@StevieJ - LOVE this, right up my street, sung from the heart, i ca feel your experience..man this is very very good.

As @5 guys named Lars says theres a sync misalignment or a very brave intentional shift to add tension.

Great song, vocal delivery and lyrics both top drawer