too much will make you poor

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rightly

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« on: September 19, 2021, 04:09:46 PM »
I wrote this many years ago
this is a new production of it

I wonder if it's too much?

feedback would be thrilling


https://soundcloud.com/2rightly/too-much-will-make-you-poor-1


too much will make you poor


better getting bigger
cannot be stopped
deafened by the thunder
or is that just the way he talks?
if there ain't no room for you to wander
then he loves you not

do you speak the language,
have you a hand to hold?
thinking you can stand it,
am I to go down alone?
the falling that it takes until I'm landed
is no longer than rope

the falling that it takes until I'm landed is no longer than rope

seems like ev'rytime you turn about another joker more
are you the joker in the crowd asking well what for?
too much, too much
too much will make you poor

the hardest work of all,
it is the worst paid
still y' might have washed your hands
before showing your face
it's good for your health they say
 but it leaves a bad taste

so I told it to the mountain,
 his most royal highness
n' to the silhouettes of false kings,
they were shouting in the darkness
let it be said that greater men
have died for less

let it be said that greater men have died for less

patience is a virtue, you cannot be too sure
you'll know it when I hurt you, you ain't no child no more
too much, too much
too much will make you poor

too much, too much
too much will make you poor

_______________________

rightly

__________
It's either this or that, then again it might be the other. 

I can promise you a future of slow decline.

Don't eat the yellow snow

And there you have it. 

https://soundcloud.com/2rightly

https://soundcloud.com/rightly

ChrisPrice

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« Reply #1 on: September 19, 2021, 06:07:47 PM »
Another fascinating song from you. Too much? Nah, I don't think so. Your lyrics intrigue me. I don't understand them but there's something really poetic going on here, and something very different. An incredible arrangement..thumbs up from me. :)

moraamarolaloba

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« Reply #2 on: September 20, 2021, 12:41:31 PM »
hola @rightly

I loved the introduction, a very tasty appetizer ... And I loved the song, I think it is catchy and has a casual sound that softens the harshness of the lyrics.
This line has enchanted me

"the falling that it takes until I'm landed
is no longer than rope"

Good Monday!!

Mora
I did not know that to live we had to die so many times
My Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAaK7mFK7fUpf1E99I1Qtow

delb0y

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« Reply #3 on: September 21, 2021, 06:30:09 PM »
I really love the song, the lyrics, and your vocal is great. It's a foot-tapper and a very intriguing arrangement but I'd love to hear it a little straighter - although I'm not even sure what I mean by that. I think the arrangement and the really funky rhythms, the little extra spoken bits, and the whole strangeness is distracting for me, rather than enhancing, but at the same time I get that those things are what gives it a uniqueness unlike anything else, so probably best to ignore me :-)

It's certainly enjoyable and that means it's a thumbs up from me, because there's an awful lot these days that isn't!

Oh and it doesn't feel ten years old. I couldn't help but think of how greed and the need for too much is killing us all, and quicker than we thought, too.

Cheers
Derek
West Country Country Boy

cowparsleyman

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« Reply #4 on: September 21, 2021, 06:54:51 PM »
@rightly - Yip another cracker, really like this one, the message is great and the deliver just gets better and better.

A pioneer.

rightly

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« Reply #5 on: September 22, 2021, 03:50:24 PM »
hola @rightly

I loved the introduction, a very tasty appetizer ... And I loved the song, I think it is catchy and has a casual sound that softens the harshness of the lyrics.
This line has enchanted me

"the falling that it takes until I'm landed
is no longer than rope"

Good Monday!!

Mora

@moraamarolaloba

hi
you've an indisputable sensitivity for the finer lines. I really appreciate your observations. I wonder if I'll ever escape my harshness.

Thanks.

@delb0y

hi. A little straighter?
it's mostly a D A G numba, tell y'what I'll put an mp3 on Soundcloud n private link here to a recording of the original from all the way back then.

I think you should always give an honest, respectful feedback.
No need to imagine a world without such feedback, as we often have it more often than not
I'll not ignore you.
the spoken bits I've got problems with
I want to change them (make them more audibly defined) or get rid of them.

@cowparsleyman @ChrisPrice
thanks both of you for the feedback. The best is yet to come, you'll see.

a little straighter, ancient (but not bad) UPLOAD incoming...


https://soundcloud.com/2rightly/2-much-will-make-y-poor-acoustic/s-gL9xGxBzjS5
« Last Edit: September 22, 2021, 03:55:35 PM by rightly »
It's either this or that, then again it might be the other. 

I can promise you a future of slow decline.

Don't eat the yellow snow

And there you have it. 

https://soundcloud.com/2rightly

https://soundcloud.com/rightly

cowparsleyman

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« Reply #6 on: September 22, 2021, 03:53:11 PM »
@rightly - I agree about the spoken bits, just try with them omitted, see how it sits...

rightly

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« Reply #7 on: September 22, 2021, 04:13:53 PM »

@cowparsleyman

yes I'll definitely check that
maybe put a musical phrase in there
just omit those parts
or sharpen them up.

 ;)
It's either this or that, then again it might be the other. 

I can promise you a future of slow decline.

Don't eat the yellow snow

And there you have it. 

https://soundcloud.com/2rightly

https://soundcloud.com/rightly

MonnoDB

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« Reply #8 on: September 23, 2021, 07:09:22 PM »
Hnmmm I like the spoken bits.. maybe if they were a little more dramatic? (I thought Ringmaster actually, not sure why) and the "hey"s...

This is a little different I think from you - I think it's the pace of the verses in particularly that was unexpected. I like that a lot - it's makes it very catchy - some interesting melodic dips too, I liked them too!

As always some great lines in there.. This one caught me - I wonder what's behind it (no, I'm not asking for an explanation but I shall ponder):

patience is a virtue, you cannot be too sure
you'll know it when I hurt you, you ain't no child no more

Great stuff.. once again.. @rightly

K

rightly

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« Reply #9 on: September 23, 2021, 09:01:29 PM »
Hnmmm I like the spoken bits.. maybe if they were a little more dramatic? (I thought Ringmaster actually, not sure why) and the "hey"s...

This is a little different I think from you - I think it's the pace of the verses in particularly that was unexpected. I like that a lot - it's makes it very catchy - some interesting melodic dips too, I liked them too!

As always some great lines in there.. This one caught me - I wonder what's behind it (no, I'm not asking for an explanation but I shall ponder):

patience is a virtue, you cannot be too sure
you'll know it when I hurt you, you ain't no child no more

Great stuff.. once again.. @rightly

K


@MonnoDB

I don't know Ringmaster
I'll check it

M' tracks are often different... Always! lol.

yes, the melody in the verse is unusual, even for me.
I knew it at the of writing it many years ago.

I'm tempted to explain the line in question... but I won't.

Thanks for your attention. oh n this is the original demo (I should have kept that sustained note maybe)

https://soundcloud.com/2rightly/2-much-will-make-y-poor-acoustic/s-gL9xGxBzjS5
It's either this or that, then again it might be the other. 

I can promise you a future of slow decline.

Don't eat the yellow snow

And there you have it. 

https://soundcloud.com/2rightly

https://soundcloud.com/rightly