konalavadome

Lyric input , Womans point of view please?

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Fritzzlang

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« on: July 15, 2021, 08:57:31 PM »
 WOULD LOVE ANY INPUT!! MY STUFF CAN BE CONFUSING! WANT IT TO BE FOR WOMAN SINGERS POINT OF VIEW> ITS A JAZZ BALLAD                           

 “COME SIT BY ME”
Verse 1:
I had a little night blindness
I thought there'd be more kindness
I thought it'd be all different by now
I bought new clothes
But to you I'm the same old cow

Chorus 1 :
If you don't have anything nice to say,
come sit by me
If you don't have anything nice to say,
come sit by me, come sit by me

Verse 2:
You said I was “the girl'
You caught me up in your swirl
I thought it'd be all different by now
I bought new clothes
But to you, I'm the same old cow

Chorus 2:
If you don't have anything nice to say,
come sit by me
If you don't have anything nice to say,
come sit by me, come sit by me

Bridge:  solo over bridge chords 2x
We rolled down the hills
swung on the bars
Walked on tippy toes
counting the stars


Fritzz

Philipp

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« Reply #1 on: July 15, 2021, 09:17:44 PM »
Well I like the AA BCB style in the verse and the thematical cut the lyrics make coming to "I bought new clothes"

What I don't like is, that Verse 1 and Verse 2 are almost identical for no good reason.

However, I do like the lyrics

Fritzzlang

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« Reply #2 on: July 16, 2021, 09:12:19 PM »
Wow thank you so much!  I've been changing it. Its a slow jazz shuffle. Its for a woman with attitude to sing it.  I added a pick up line into Chorus  " So girls, if you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me"  Also I changed the lines" I thought it would be all different by now, I bought new clothes, it didn't raise an eyebrow."  Also  I think of 2nd half of verse more as a pre chorus. Now thinking of two girls singing , trading verses and harmonizing through out.
Fritzz