[Max66]

 

[Philipp]

It's an interesting idea. Not too bad so far.
I would suggest writing a different 2nd verse though and maybe thinking about a pre-chorus. Maybe even consider changing the sequence of the song. Beginning with the chorus and not making slight adjustments in each chorus afterwards can get quite boring since you play it 3 times.

[Max66]

It's an interesting idea. Not too bad so far.
I would suggest writing a different 2nd verse though and maybe thinking about a pre-chorus. Maybe even consider changing the sequence of the song. Beginning with the chorus and not making slight adjustments in each chorus afterwards can get quite boring since you play it 3 times.

First off these lyrics are base on real life, Not too bad so far.

[LilPeeper]

It's an interesting idea. Not too bad so far.
I would suggest writing a different 2nd verse though and maybe thinking about a pre-chorus. Maybe even consider changing the sequence of the song. Beginning with the chorus and not making slight adjustments in each chorus afterwards can get quite boring since you play it 3 times.

Have to agree with this.

It comes across as a bit lazy as it's basically 1 verse and chorus repeated over and over rather than effort going into coming up with more story. Could be a lot more emotional and with more meaning rather than "she does this and this and that..."

[Max66]

It's an interesting idea. Not too bad so far.
I would suggest writing a different 2nd verse though and maybe thinking about a pre-chorus. Maybe even consider changing the sequence of the song. Beginning with the chorus and not making slight adjustments in each chorus afterwards can get quite boring since you play it 3 times.

Have to agree with this.

It comes across as a bit lazy as it's basically 1 verse and chorus repeated over and over rather than effort going into coming up with more story. Could be a lot more emotional and with more meaning rather than "she does this and this and that..."

I understand and agree with what you're both saying but for me it's difficult to add another verse to something that is very real, she is actually asleep under my chair right now but maybe if and when I decide to record again maybe on listening back I'll change some of the words in the first verse, thank you both for having me thinking on this, also on thinking as it is it would be to short as a song, good reviews thanks.