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No Winner To This Game

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LilPeeper

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« on: June 26, 2021, 01:09:36 PM »
A room full of eyeballs glued to screens
Losing themselves in electric dreams
Forgive them though, they know not what it means
Chugging their brew just to fill the void
Too much weed's left them paranoid
Pull up a sofa, tell all to Sigmund Freud

They're just as messed up as we are
Never learned to play guitar
Teacher swore that you'd go far
But here we are

Chorus:
Going nowhere in a hurry
Another snowflake in a flurry
But every feeling feels the same
Looking back with deep regret
Of a life I never led
There's no winner to this game

A marriage consumed with real despair
Weight of the world's too much to bear
Forgive them though, to judge would be unfair
Renewing their vows just for an excuse
To throw a party and go let loose
They wanted a kid, but unable to produce

They're just as flawed as you and I
Being alive means waiting to die
Too many dark clouds in the sky
I'm asking why

Chorus:
Going nowhere in a hurry
Another snowflake in a flurry
But every feeling feels the same
Looking back with deep regret
Of a life I never led
There's no winner to this game

I distract myself
To get out of my own head
Some days
Just want to stay in bed
Why the long face?
Was it something that I said?

Chorus:
Going nowhere in a hurry
Another snowflake in a flurry
But every feeling feels the same
Looking back with deep regret
Of a life I never led
There's no winner to this game

There's no joy and there's no pain
There's no singing in the rain
There's no joy and there's no pain
Every day just feels the same
There's no joy and there's no pain
Sun will rise and set again
There's no villain we can blame
There's no winner to this game


* With thanks to seriousfun for amendments made *
« Last Edit: July 07, 2021, 07:07:06 PM by LilPeeper »

Max66

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« Reply #1 on: June 27, 2021, 12:29:50 AM »
Hi

This is really good reads like something the joker from the batman move would shout about, it reads like rap with no verse lines

seriousfun

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« Reply #2 on: July 07, 2021, 11:08:31 AM »
Liking this but one line seems out of place. "I don't want my folks to worry" introduces two more characters to the lyric but they are never referred to again. It appears as a random line with no reason to be there. You could easily swap it out with a line that builds on the previous line. Maybe something like "another snowflake in a flurry" or whatever else comes to mind.

LilPeeper

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« Reply #3 on: July 07, 2021, 07:08:26 PM »
Thanks Max66 glad you enjoyed it.

Thanks too to seriousfun. I agree with your critique and really love your line idea so I've now used it - many thanks for the advice.

seriousfun

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« Reply #4 on: July 08, 2021, 08:36:41 AM »
Glad to be of help.

Davino

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« Reply #5 on: July 31, 2021, 02:54:59 PM »
Nicely written!

LilPeeper

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« Reply #6 on: December 04, 2021, 04:33:33 PM »