[man made material]

So this tackles a very dark subject but I guess almost dressed in candy floss pop... I hope I’ve treated the subject respectfully...
Im not sure if I overcooked the bass in this trying to pander to my mates who only listen to my stuff out of phone speakers, I’d be interested in peoples thoughts...

https://soundcloud.app.goo.gl/dVhSuDBcinpVCg5s9

Lyrics;

A slight discolouration,
tinged with green and blue.
Some swelling on the surface,
and some tenderness too.
A moment of aggression,
what he said he'd never do.
The crossing of a boundary,
did he ever give a clue?
 
Shock hollows out your stomach.
He says it's something that you've done,
and now you're starting to believe him,
that you're the penitent one.
So apply a little blusher
and some contour to that cheek,
some shadow to those eyelids,
erase the tell tail tear streak.
 
So you hide away the pain
So you hide away the shame.
 
He'll beg you for forgiveness,
but now the die is cast.
The second fist is coming,
exactly like the last.
So please seize on this moment
and escape him while you can.
It'll only become harder,
now you've seen the real man.
 
Please don't hide away the pain
don't hide away the shame.
 
But you are not to blame.
You're not the cause.
You don't deserve this.
Just remember, you're not alone.
 
You don't have to hide away the pain
Please don't hide away the shame.

[pompeyjazz]

Brave subject choice @man made material It's great that as musicians we can use the medium to write about what we want. Musically, I actually thought that this was probably one of your least dark offerings. Nothing wrong with paring some more upbeat music with some slightly darker subject matter though. This is very melodic. I don't think that the bass is overcooked. Another excellent song from you

[Wicked Deeds]

@man made material , Super instrumentation.  Love the bubbling synth!  I really feel that I gained a strong impression about your musical songwriting skills, your concise lyrics writing and accomplished arrangement during my spell of hosting Forum Favourites.  you're a really accomplished producer and musician.  So much going on but everything occupies it's own space.  A really great write, tackling a very serious subject.  Excellent delivery!

Paul

[kevysc]

@man made material This is a really superb piece of work! The synth-based rhythm track really moves the song along in an insistent way, into an extremely catchy, almost anthemic chorus. You have done a fantastic job with the lyrics, painting the picture and telling the story in a superbly controlled manner, which heightens the underlying drama.  If there was any justice in the world, this would be a hit single

One small suggestion: I would change the line "erase the tell tale tear streak" to just "erase the tell tale streak". This will flow slightly better, plus it is obvious that the streak is from tears, so you don't really need it.

Really enjoyed it, thanks!

Kevin

[rightly]

very smooth
and an interesting theme
sadly there's a lot of this abuse about
people can be monstrous to each other

this is a good song
but it really isn't my genre

[Melusine2]

Still depeche mode vib's , but an interesting theme and well written. The synths and the melody of the song are efficient. All the ingredients to make a good song

[moraamarolaloba]

Hola @man made material

I like your song, a lot, it has something that takes you from the beginning, the melody so narrative ... Good lyrics that portray something of always,  things are like that many men and WOMEN say!!!  Thanks for your sensitivity.

[Cameron F]

This sounds very depeche mode which to me is a very good thing. Brave topic to tackle which is always a good thing in my eyes, the whole dark topic with brighter music is an excellent choice and I think really helps convey a message without being too much of a downer. All I would criticize is the vocal is quite mid heavy in terms of mixing and doesn't jump out too much from the instrumentation. Great track.

[man made material]

@pompeyjazz  cheers sir! It’s probably as poppy as I’ve managed yet!
@Wicked Deeds  thanks man, baby steps, but I think I’m learning something each track I write👍
@kevysc  woah! Thanks! Then I demand justice!😂 interesting point re the lyric you mentioned, I’ll have a play with it, but I do like all the T’s in tell tail tears👍
@rightly  cheers, I was a little uncomfortable about the subject matter but it’s coming from the right place
@Melusine2  thanks for listening, I guess I’ve got a deep voice with limited range and I’m using synths - it’s going to sound a bit Depeche-y😁
@moraamarolaloba  thanks, it was a difficult subject, and one that as a man I should even broach, but it’s coming from the right place and hopefully in a respectful manner with a positive message in the end...
@CFCity  thanks for your positive feedback on the song and subject👍 I’m a bit stuck vocally with my limited range though 😂

[montydog]

Hi @man made material Great 80's vibe and I love the bubbling synth and hand clappy things. Shades of Depeche Mode particularly the vocal delivery and mood which personally I like. Putting an upbeat backing with a dark subject is a classic and very effective ploy. Lyrically this is top drawer and addresses the subject matter beautifully. I can hear this as the poster song for a government campaign against domestic violence(if they ever had enough humanity to do it). Really top notch stuff. I'm a fan.
M

[ChrisPrice]

I can only really echo what others have already said. 80's, Depeche Mode etc. But this is a really well crafted and performed song and, yes, the lyrics cover a dark subject and do so with style. An excellent song.

[PaulAds]

Another corker, MMM.

Lyrics are very well crafted and deliciously at odds with the feel of the music. When I was reading along, it made me think of line by “Black” aka Colin Vearncombe which goes “sometimes I wonder at this shame I hide. Pare away the man and find the worm inside”

For some reason, I initially thought it might have had even more impact if there was more space between the chorus and verse...sort of giving the listener time to digest the (excellent) lyrics as the song went along...just a thought...and definitely not a criticism.

The 80s influence is very strong, of course...particularly evident in your male understanding of how to apply cosmetics 😀

An excellent, thought-provoking song...bravo!

[MichaelA]

Hi @man made material, very polished song. Tough subject to cover, but done with sensitivity with well written lyrics. Clever double meaning to the ‘hide away’ chorus line - in the cosmetic concealment and then the keeping of a secret.

The rhythmic pulse of the auto arpeggios really moves it along nicely. Along with the catchy melody, in another era this would have all the credentials to be a hit record. There’s bound to be an 80s inspired revival soon, however, so you will no doubt be a star of that. 👍

[man made material]

@montydog  thanks sir! I thought I might have squeaked into the early 90s on this one, I was trying to channel, Jon Marsh of the Beloved, but came out with Dave Gahan again!😂
@ChrisPrice  much appreciated👍 I guess I can’t escape my love of 80s sounds🤷👍
@PaulAds  man, Colin Vearncombe, he had a voice like velvet honey... I know what you mean about a bit of a gap between verse and chorus, I’ve been struggling to get my songs below 4.5mins, so I was being a bit brutal to keep the length down, it’s a tricky balance that I’m still figuring out... thanks for your kind words 👍
@MichaelA  cheers sir, thanks for spotting the ‘hide away’ double meaning... seems like I need to get myself a modified DeLorean to find success!😉😁

[Jamie]

@man made material

Hi, I thought Depeche Mode too, before I read the other comments . Very accomplished as others have alluded to. You mention your 'limited range',and as they say it's not what you've got, it's what you do with it that matters . And you do it very well.....

Excellent

Jamie