White Hat

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Sterix

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« on: April 11, 2021, 09:42:53 PM »
So I've been watching a few YouTube videos about scammers - or, more precisely, about scammers getting their come-upance. And, let me tell you, it's a beautiful thing when this happens. As tech support to a lot of old people I've had to deal with the consequences of some of these assholes. When their victim is a retired nun and they just don't give a flying monkeys about what they've just done... well, if there's a Hell then there's a special place donw there waiting for them.

One video in particular had me in hysterics. A "white hat" (an ethical hacker) backhacked the computer a scammer was using and basically destroyed it by planting a number of very nast viruses on it so that when the scammer rebooted it (and the computer was locked to him so he'd have no choice) they'd kick in, and all he'd be able to do at that point is reinstall Windows from scratch.

It was the back-and-forth insults that killed me. The white hat pretended to be "Russia's number one hacker" (spoken in a thick Russian accent) and the Indian guy pretended to be hard, despite the fact he was quite clearly soiling his pants. The one threat/insult that still has me chuckling is when he told the white hat that he would "shove a rifle up his bum and fire a bullet out of his eye socker" (not quite vertabim but close enough).

Revenge is a dish best served cold as they say.

Anyway, it got the creative juices flowing and I came up with this little ditty in honour of this epic duel!



WHITE HAT


CHORUS
"Madam, I want your money
I think it's funny
You being scammed
Madam, I don't feel sorry
I just don't worry
Or give a damn"

VERSE
Got a phone call out of the blue
It was "John", and he knew
Who I was
Had an accent I couldn't place
But I knew that the face
Wouldn't match

PRE-CHORUS
Don't he know
That I know what he's up to?
He'll soon know
When I hack all his files

CHORUS
"Madam, I want your money
I think it's funny
You being scammed
Madam, I don't feel sorry
I just don't worry
Or give a damn"

VERSE
Get a message up on my screen
Flashing red, blue and green
In alarm
It's okay, it's on my VM
So I'm gonna phone them
Work my charms

PRE-CHORUS
Unaware
I'm deleting his files, now
Does it hurt
When the tables are turned?

CHORUS
"Madam, I want your money
I think it's funny
You being scammed
Madam, I don't feel sorry
I just don't worry
Or give a damn"

INSTRUMENTAL

VERSE
Listen, man, I know who you are
You're not "John" but "Amar"
And what's more
I have passed on all your details
All your calls and e-mails
To the law

PRE-CHORUS
Maybe now
You will know what it feels like
Taken out
In your very own game

CHORUS
"Madam, I want your money
I think it's funny
You being scammed
Madam, I don't feel sorry
I just don't worry
Or give a damn"

MichaelA

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« Reply #1 on: April 13, 2021, 10:46:26 AM »
Great subject @Sterix, certainly topical. I seem to being spammed on Soundcloud at the moment by a porn bot, sending in the same message each time I delete and report it. I suppose I will run out of energy before the bot!

Anyhow I think you tell a fine tale here, and revenge tales are some of the best.

Maybe in the last chorus the guy could say it’s not funny after all, and that he’s sorry?...as he’s about to get busted...

But cool as is actually.  ;)
My latest novel: pls check it out!

‘Gavin & The Bodysnatchers’, a quirky comedy crime thriller. Easily found on Amazon.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B09GZ7C8M7?ref_=pe_3052080_397514860

Sterix

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« Reply #2 on: April 13, 2021, 09:23:56 PM »
Maybe in the last chorus the guy could say it’s not funny after all, and that he’s sorry?...as he’s about to get busted...

@MichaelA

Two minutes later and here's your final chorus (not kidding, that's how long it took me to knock that up after reading your comment!).

Something along these lines? :D

Madam, I'm very sorry
Now that you've caught me
And I've been burned
Madam, I swear you truly
Turned over new leaf
My lesson's learned

MichaelA

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« Reply #3 on: April 13, 2021, 09:33:32 PM »
Yep @sterix, you got the b/stard, ha ha  :D
My latest novel: pls check it out!

‘Gavin & The Bodysnatchers’, a quirky comedy crime thriller. Easily found on Amazon.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B09GZ7C8M7?ref_=pe_3052080_397514860

wkamen

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« Reply #4 on: July 10, 2021, 03:08:33 AM »
Is this a joke -- If I may quote a line from your writing-I will pass on all your details