The message--wanting to travel to the stars--seems clear to me. Technically, I can't speak to the rhythm sensibly without hearing it with the music. Without the music, the rhythm seems inconsistent but I know there are ways to deal with that when setting something to a melody. I was intrigued by the rhyme scheme. At first, I didn't think there was one. The verses do not rhyme, so that rhyme pattern would be XXXX for each. The chorus does rhyme; the pattern is AABB. And the rhymes are perfect (not imperfect rhymes).
So, coming at it from a Pat Pattison viewpoint, I would say this song is strongly unstable. The verses are totally unstable--the rhythms do not match and there is no rhyme scheme. The chorus is partly unstable--the rhythms still do not quite exactly match and the rhyme scheme is a perfect AABB. So that rhyme scheme is the only stable element in the song (as far as I can tell without hearing it with the music).
Is all that good or bad? I would say good, because your theme is mostly unstable--the protagonist is wishing for something, life is not the way s/he wants it to be. That's an unstable situation. I'm not sure if I can say whether there is anything stable about the message of the song, so maybe the rhymes should be imperfect? Maybe not. The person is not weeping and wailing and carrying on about the situation as if life were not worth living.
Man, I'm getting too wordy. I'm trying to say the song is mostly unstable and the theme is mostly unstable because the person wants something s/he can't have. There's a little bit of stability in the structure which could imply the person is okay with the situation, understanding s/he can't have it but life is still good. Does that make sense? It would help to be able to hear it....
And I missed something the first time through. There are TWO stable elements in the song. The AABB rhyme scheme in the chorus, AND the even four lines for each verse and chorus. Consistent numbers of lines, especially an even four, are stable.