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Shreds - Acoustic Demo

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Cameron F

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« on: January 12, 2021, 02:01:32 AM »
Recently rediscovered this forum, I remember it being of great service when I first delved into songwriting back in 2014 at 15 years of age. Hoping to have improved since then aha and also looking forward to utilising it once more, looking at others works' also.

Anyway, to the song: https://soundcloud.com/cameronjf/shreds-demo-110121

So this is a work in progress of mine I have titled "Shreds". It's a bit of a tragic love song I suppose, dare I say it's been done before but oh well. The story essentially follows the idea of trust and love being broken and the cycle that entails from such an event. The whole idea of "Hurt people hurt people" is essentially the tag line. I hope in time to create a fuller recording of the track but feel this acoustic version gives a good enough idea of the feel of the song.

Lyrics:

Verse 1
A drunken mind speaks sober thoughts,
at least that's what your mother taught,
But after just a beer or two,
I lied and said that I loved you
And now your heart it beats,
the world that you'd imagined falls right at your feet,
the answers that you seek you thought you'd find in me,
but it could never be.

Chorus
Tore you to pieces,
yeah I know cos I've still got the shreds.
Couldn't believe it,
so you took it out on someone else.
Guess I was your weakness,
so blind that you couldn't see,
I'm not the man you thought that I would be

Verse 2
A happy drunk I'm supposed to be,
to spread the love and fantasy,
but after just a beer or three,
said "babe you're not the one for me"
And now we're broken up,
you cry and scream that you were never good enough,
the hole you thought you'd fill was deeper than you know,
oh what a place to go.

I look forward to hearing any feedback you might have, thanks for your time.

Cameron.

PeteS

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« Reply #1 on: February 02, 2021, 10:37:42 AM »
Hi Cameron,

No comments eh, this deserves some but you don't get many on the in progress stuff.

I think it has a lot of promise, the guitar is good and the chord structure combined with the varying vocal tune has enough to keep me interested.

Whilst I like the chorus I think the problem for me is the first line.  Combined with the chord change that precedes it, it sounds too Oasis for me, if you could vary it slightly I think  it has lots of promise and I look forward to hearing the full version.

Cheers
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ChrisPrice

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« Reply #2 on: February 25, 2021, 09:52:29 AM »
I can certainly imagine a full band version. I too can hear Oasis in this one. It depends how you develop it - it could sound too much like the Gallaghers if you're not careful. It's a good song though. Good vocal and appropriate guitar playing. I enjoyed it. :)

Sebandme

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« Reply #3 on: April 24, 2021, 11:26:21 AM »
Oooft right up my street.....i love it!  Well done love the lyrics