[man made material]

So time for something new rather than a rehash, I found inspiration in a bizarre place after watching an episode of 24hrs in police custody, the episode centred on a manipulative woman with control issues who was so filled with hatred towards her first husband that she tried to persuade every subsequent man to kill him for her... I changed her name from Victoria to Elizabeth...

https://soundcloud.app.goo.gl/Cr3vEWbRwM9w4eFv6

Lyrics:

She thought that husband number one, was the one
But she was wrong.
She couldn't control
Wouldn't do what he's told.
He decided to act
Now she's after the fact.

She found husband number two
She liked what she thought she could get him to do.
She told him lies
Clouded his eyes.
He could avenge
She needed revenge.

So husband two planted a bomb, to kill number one
And when it went wrong
He was in the frame
A pawn in her game
Put away for some time
For doing her Crime

Now she's looking for man number three
He must have the connections, that is the key
You could be the one
If you get the job done
If you just find a way
She's willing to pay.

Oh Elizabeth, demanding death
It's not yours to take
Oh Elizabeth, get on with your life

Oh Elizabeth
Let him take, another breath
Oh Elizabeth, get on with your life

Now Elizabeth
We've seen the way, you operate
For your own sake
Why don't you wake?
It's time to accept
People cannot be kept

What was the sequence that twisted your mind -
To make you so blind?
And will we find
If we walk in your shoes
We'd be able to choose?
And not abdicate
To a life full of hate

Oh Elizabeth, demanding death
It's not yours to take
Oh Elizabeth, get on with your life

Oh Elizabeth
Let him take, another breath
Oh Elizabeth, get on with your life

[montydog]

Hi @man made material
This is different in the vocal delivery and subject matter in a good way. I do like the synth sounds you've used. I think the verses are excellent - good, concise and economical songwriting. For me, the verses are a little light weight by comparison - you're gently chiding her rather than raging at the evil she has perpetrated. Apart from that, I think it's brilliant. Shades of Human League for me which is very high praise. Super track.
M

[Jamie]

@man made material

HI, very much get the Human League comparison that MD mentioned.The vocal in particular is very reminiscent of Phil Oakey. Put that together with vintage synth sounds and there it is! Enjoyed it, though I wasn't a huge fan of the drum sounds, maybe a bit too repetitive and a bit 'dry'. Very good!

Nice one!

Cheers

Jamie

[MichaelA]

Hi @man made material that’s an intriguing story you’ve got hold of and told well too. I do like the depth of tone in your vocal and there’s some catchy melody in there too, and I think the mood you’ve created puts across the sinister nature of the tale very well.

Very nice riffing from your synth orchestra. Yeah it’s a bit 80’s, but that was one of the best eras anyway, so go for it  I think I’d have to listen again a few times to be won over by the drum outro, but I like your bold imagination to try that.

Very good song, well done.

[pompeyjazz]

Really enjoyed this @man made material Great story and inspiration. Lovely early 80s synth feel and production and very well delivered vocals

[man made material]

Cheers @montydog  I wasn’t going for Human League when I set out but that’s a comparison I’ll happily take!😁 I see what you’re saying about perhaps going easy on this awful person in the Chorus, but she will be in jail for the next eight years, so it’s more of a plea of self reflection to get herself together rather than piling on more punishment as she’s already paying for her crime now... well, that was my thought process anyway...

@Jamie  many thanks for the Phil Oakey comparison! I’m not worthy! It’s funny how my influences creep in even if they’re not intentional... noted about the drums, maybe a bit of variation will help👍

@MichaelA  cheers sir! I guess it’s apparent - I love a lot of 80s sounds!😁 and they come out even if I’m not trying to make them!

Thanks @pompeyjazz  I didn’t do any fiddling with the vocals, so I appreciate the props! Perhaps it’ll give me the confidence to sing naked a bit more often and not hide behind effects, I’m no singer, but I’m not so afraid of the microphone now!

Thanks all of you for listening and giving me your feedback, 🙏🙏🙏 this place really makes you feel like you’re not just putting this stuff into an empty void!

[moraamarolaloba]

I read the lyrics before listening to the song and I had an idea of something cold, then I listened to it and I liked the musical approach with which you narrate the story.
That light instrumentation is fine, it doesn't cover words.
Elizabeth ... a fruit from a tree full of names hahaha

Stay safe @man made material


Mora

[PeteS]

Interesting topic!

first time through, I agreed with @montydog that the Chorus felt weaker than the rest, however when I heard the way you used it the second time, I really liked it.  Played the song again and liked it more the first time as well. 

The thing about this is that I went away singing it, in fact it was the chorus, so success I'd say!

Cheers

Pete

[Jambrains]

Yes, deffo a 80s vibe here but nothing wrong with that. I'm stuck there as well except more on the NWOBH side of the music scene of the ere which of course implies that this would probably not be my preferred genre. Nevertheless, I quite like this, especially the vocals sets it apart in a good way, overall a production pleasing to the ear and the chorus works for me.

[PaulAds]

Very nice indeed...I was going to mention the Phil Oakey style vocal...you sound great on this one! Excellent story and very 80s influenced without being stuck in the past. I thought you really made the most of the chorus with a great and well thought out melody...

Top work MMM

[man made material]

Wow! Thanks so much @moraamarolaloba  @PeteS  @Jambrains  @PaulAds  for giving it a listen and taking the time to write comments, it makes such a difference to know people actually listen to this stuff, that you’re all so encouraging is even better... I’m really touched that you’ve picked out my vocals as a positive as it’s something I’m definitely not confident with and have a lot to learn - I’m always going to have a limited range but it’s good to know I might be able to work with what I’ve got!😁👍
And @PeteS  - the fact you went away singing this is just brilliant! 😁😁😁 nice one guys!